Camel Toad sighting

ladies...don't let this happen to you.



and fellas, perhaps now you realize why if you MUST wear bike shorts, black is the only way to go...



i'm just sayin...

I used to be an athlete...

but now...now I'm laying on my couch, watching NCAA hoops, "digesting" my brownie and red wine while resting my leg in an attempt to relieve my sciatic pain, and all I can think about is, how the hell do those cheerleaders sit on the floor like that for so long?

Yoo Hoo! Hello!

Over here! Hi - it's me! Apparently the pain meds I've been on are making me a little crazy and I've decided I'm a model. Not America's Next Supermodel mind you, just the cheap easy local variety. Actually, we had a blast at our allyandmaddy.com photo shoot a couple of weeks ago and big shout out to Jill Lambing (lambingphotography.com) for her beautiful pictures. Be sure to check out the ally&maddy website as we're adding new products daily and we'll have more killer pics to come. Not to mention FREE ground shipping in March. Oh yeah, and if you're in town don't miss our Fug or Fab party on Friday, April 4 at 7pm. Enough shameless self-promotion...time to take my Vicodin. heh heh.

Public Service Announcement

This little gem comes courtesy of Matt and Kelly. Be sure to check it out - especially you parents out there - you can never be too careful.

Wow, Queen Beaches readers are becoming quite fashionably attentive to the world around them. Consider this email from bff Janet commenting on this picture from a recent NM catalog:

"I can’t remember the name of the female finalist from Project Runway (note: Gillian), but I think she’s working for Neiman Marcus (or Chloe). I really liked her work, but she was always whining about not having enough time. Doesn’t this look like something she just didn’t quite get finished?"

Bravo, my armchair fashionista friend, Bravo.

Love thy cankles, woman!

It's no great surprise to anyone that most women have some sort of body image issue. (And in the interest of full disclosure, I've been just as hard on myself as anyone, but I'm working on it!) Every day in the store it's the same thing: "my thighs/butt/hips are too big" "i hate my tummy" "my arms are so droopy I'm afraid I might actually take flight should a big gust blow through" "if my boobs get any saggier I'll be tucking them into my pants" (okay, so that last one came from me.) Still, it's the same sad story on and on ad nauseum. All I ever hear is what women hate about themselves. We need some self-love people, and we need it pronto! Oh how I long for the day when a women tries on an outfit and says either "i love the way this brings out my _____ (waist, strong arms, eyes, muscular thighs, coloring, great boobs...etc)" OR has the self confidence to say about a not so great outfit "i'm too attractive to wear something that doesn't flatter me." See what I did there? Didn't blame the body - blamed the clothes! Cause ladies...it's not your flaws perceived or real that's the problem. It may just be what you are choosing to put on. Don't fall into the trap of not shopping until you lose those 5, 10, 20 lbs. Why don't you deserve to look good now? Make the clothing work for you cause you look good (cue Billy Joel...) just the way you are. So whether you're sporting strong soleus muscles, are blessed with curves, have massive thighs like Ivan, or like me, have some extra belly that just didn't bounce back after two 45lb pregnancies, take a minute to look at yourself with love and recognize how amazing your body is. Instead of criticizing your developed leg muscles, thank them for helping you dance, ride or run. Instead of cursing your bodacious ta-ta's, remember that there are millions of women out there undergoing surgical procedures and spending thousands of dollars to have what you've got. So my belly sags a little, so what? I built two amazing little people in it, and that's pretty damn impressive. Eat well, exercise to be healthy, fit and strong and give yourself a break. And if you just can't learn to love your cankles, slap on some wide or boot leg pants, a cute little heel and strut your stuff!

The Education of Chesska (In which I learn to play wii)

I have a new alter ego and she has come to play. Her name is Chesska. Not Jessica, not Fresca, Chesska. She is my wii avatar and here is her story. Ukrainian student worker… good jobs at 7-11 and Pizza Hut... looking for a potential fiance/green card. In the first round of bowling opponents ‘accidentally’ forced her to bowl left handed. Wasn’t pretty. In the second round, she switch-hit with the right arm and KICKED some A**!!! Really smoked ‘em.

Here is a picture of some new friends she has made took with digital camera she got at Wal-Mart for which to take snapshots for family back home. This is her best good mate and works with him at 7-11- Barthe (from Hungary) and new American friend, Ken, as they are headed for the Stoly 2008 Heavy Metal Moscow Slam. Chesska very much likes the US of A and her most liked parts are the inexpensive Clairol hair color kits and the department store Kay Mart. Hello Ukraine how do youse like me now!

Yo Bro

Chatting with my sister on my way home from work tonight, discussing the upcoming episode of Top Chef, why I am boycotting Real Housewives of NYC (oh puhleez, those b's from Orange Cty drove me friggin crazy; I only watched it at the gym) and I bring up tomorrow night's Supermodel reunion and how I saw a teaser today for it that said something about 'get all the answers about the romance!' and showed a clip of Ben and Ronnie looking at each other and laughing. So Jo says, I don't really think there's anything going on there. And I say, I don't either but I just want those little boys to be happy'. So now , watching Top Chef, I see the promo again and all my dreams for Brennie are crushed. The promo actually says 'Find out the truth behind the BRO-mance. ' Like, they're bros... pals... friends... buddies. But definitely not that kind of buddies. Sigh.

Voting... with Flair!

So we were over at Ken & Claiborne's the other night supposedly 'having dinner' but really just using a great meal as an excuse to drink a few too many bottles of wine after which they decided to initiate my husband and I into the wonders of wii, which is a WHOLE nother blog... anyway, I was once again beating the dead horse that is the reality of having calves too big to fit into cool high boots (of which Clai was sporting an awesome pair) when the subject of 'cankles' came up. Seeing as how the soleus challenged blog obviously hit a nerve (judging by the oodles of comments) I thought I'd throw out this lower leg condition as well. You know what it is, a cankle! Not all calf, not all ankle- two body parts that just seem to merge into one bologna like limb. I'm going to rely on our fitness expert, KQ, to provide exercise suggestions for anyone out there suffering from this fate.
Now I'm going to move on to the fact that if we do elect our first female president in November it will make many many American citizens feel better about their disability because, you heard it here first, I think Hillary has cankles. Have you ever seen the woman's legs? I can't find a recent picture anywhere showing a lower leg even in pantyhose! Which brings me to another big concern of the 08 election results- if Hillary is elected, will pantsuits become fashionable again? Maybe because I'm short, I just say NO to pantsuits. But people, I'm worried. That con is somewhat offset by the fact that Bill would be a lot of fun to watch again. Is it just me, or does he get better looking- in an older Kennedy kind of way- with age? I don't want a bunch of political discourse comments, people! I'm just saying that if I had a choice between either Billy boy or Michelle Obama (who's going to get red hot with the help of a stylist) or Cindy McCain to look at for the next four years- I am so not going with a woman who looks like she's auditioned for (and nailed) a role on BravoTV's upcoming Real Housewives of Pheonix/DC. Look at her people! She's got Botox written all over that face. The eyebrows don't move... the cheeks don't move, the lips appear barely moveable. So this year, in a historical, more important than ever political contest, I say- get your vogue on when you vote! Now, let's hear from Katherine about some of those cankle-preventing exercises....
PS: DON'T FORGET THE FUG OR FAB PARTY NEXT FRIDAY NIGHT!! APRIL 4!! 7 - 9:30pm- at Ally & Maddy's in Duck!!

Women of the World Unite!

My sister sent this to me today- YoJo!- and I just had to share. Male Queen Beaches readers, don't take offense; I know we've got some hard workin' Dads out there, too (go, Kenny, go, Kenny!) but all those awesome moms out there will appreciate this the most:

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, 'I'm tired,and it's getting late. I think I'll go to bed.'
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day's lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button.

She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer.She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.

She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse. Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, 'I thought you were going to bed.'
‘I'm on my way,' she said.

She put some water into the dog's dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on.She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV's, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to noone in particular. 'I'm going to bed.'
And he did...without another thought.

Lesson for the day- hug your wife. And hang up your towel.

Jamie goes topless!

Simmer down, folks. I'm not referring to Jamie Queen of the Beaches, I mean Jamie of the Lee Curtis variety. In honor of her 50th she's posing topless for the cover of AARP. God love her.

So...that's it? That's what all the hubbub was about? Don't get me wrong, it's not like I have this longing to see her bosoms - though I'm sure even at 50 it's an impressive rack. I was expecting a little more from JLC, having already seen her substantial assets in Trading Places. All I'm saying is that when I read "topless" I figured they were referring to more than her shoulders. Now I haven't seen the actual issue, so perhaps there's more to it. Maybe the cover does that tri-fold playboy centerfold thing, so the page (and her breasts) unfurl like a flag allowing readers to see the rest of what's bobbing in that pool. Either way, you gotta love her style - putting it all out there to celebrate real bodies and aging in a graceful, natural way. Personally, I'm going to use every non-surgical method at my disposal to fight the aging process every step of the way, but good for you! Way to go, J.Lee. Happy Birthday!

I'm still here...

Guess it's harder than I thought being a Queen Beach. I mean, being a be-yatch comes easily, but blog royalty is taxing....

So my apologies for the long, and I'm sure painful, delay in posts. This damn "work" thing keeps getting in the way. Let me quickly catch you up on the latest: First - BIG shout out to Kenny for completing his first marathon. He tackled the VA beach Shamrock marathon and completed the entire 26.2 sporting his lucky St. Patrick's Day top hat. Good on ya', mate! (ok, so that's an Aussie expression, but whatever). Second - another BIG shout out to Dr. Elliott Sherman of Capitol Rehab at the Gold's Gym Norfolk for hooking me up with some killer "emergency" chiro care. Seriously kids, be kind to your backs. I dorked mine up last Saturday and though I can now stand (relatively) upright, the pain shooting down my left ass cheek is still teetering on excruciating at times. So thanks Doc Sherman, for the respite from the pain. (oh yeah, and I TOLD you WVU would win!)

Speaking of bracket busters, my standings in BOTH pools I've entered appear to be dropping faster than Paris Hilton's pants. I was winning the damn thing for at LEAST the first 6 hours of the tournament, then my Mason boys forgot to actually play, and it's been all downhill from there. That's okay though, cause HUGE day for the WVU Mountaineers upsetting Duke. Wooo F'ing Hooo as Kenny says. Plenty of room on the bandwagon, so c'mon everyone...hop on! Burn your couch!

I have a lot more I could say, but I have to get back to gorging myself on jellybeans. Between that, the back injury and the daily Tullio's lemon ricotta cookie fix....well, let's just say if I was a celeb, the US Weekly headline would read, "baby bump? or just too many carbs?"






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Create a Home Theater Like the Pros. Watch the video on AOL Home.

Lament from an (almost) Spice Girl

I’ve been looking for a nice pair of high leather boots for several years but after our trip to NYC I’m desperate. Every chic strutting urbanite chick was sporting awesome low heeled almost knee-high boots with their jeans, leggings, maybe even stirrup pants tucked in. I saw burnt sienna flat heeled boots; terrific mahogany with an ankle buckle. Sleek ebony with a nickle top. I wanted that look and wanted it bad. Remembering a recent magazine article, I wandered into Aerosoles to try and locate boots the article’s author had raved about. I was sure my search would end here because I share a terrible disability with the author. I am Soleus challenged. You know that muscle in the back of your lower leg, just below your knee and before your ankle? Most people call it the calf muscle, but I couldn’t make Calf Challenged sound like anything but a term best applied to a losing rodeo contestant. I can actually pinpoint the cause of my disability- lots and lots of horseback riding in my younger years. You use those lower legs A LOT… like ALL the time- to stay on the horse, post, steer the horse, move the horse, if you’re doing anything in a saddle (a HORSE saddle, get your minds out of the gutter) odds are you’re using your Soleus muscle to do it. As a result I have very well developed Soleus muscles. So well developed, in fact, that my calves do not FIT into your normal, great looking, moderately priced leather boot. No, I have to either settle for something made out of a man-made stretchy material which rarely lasts one season (but are cheap so I can buy three pairs) or opt for the alternative which is buying a ridiculously expensive pair of extended calf boots from Zappos which to date I have not. Alas, while I did try on some boots at the Aerosoles store on Lex (even a pair suggested by the very helpful saleslady for people in my plight) there was just no way I was tucking anything into them other than my own well-developed leg and sometimes even it didn’t want to jam itself inside the zipped seam. One pair was so tight I probably would have gotten knee chub rub if worn with a skirt! So I will not be gliding around the OBX anytime soon looking like I just stepped out of the Subway onto Fifth Avenue. I will continue to suffer through this deprived condition with the knowledge that somewhere out there is a pair of boots for a girl who loved horses. Quinn did cheer me up a bit though by telling me that many soccer players are also Soleus challenged. Which means I have something in common with David Beckham which MEANS I am only one degree away from Posh Spice. How many people can say that? I feel much better. (Incidentally, the saleslady showed me a little trick she learned from her mother to help get a boot zipped up when it really doesn’t want to. This is dependent on a relatively supple and pliable boot material. She pulled the zipper up as far as she comfortably could. Then, she pulled the top of the boot down so that it wrinkled up in the ankle area and continued to pull the zipper. She did this two or three times until she had the zipper firmly at the top then grabbed the top of the boot and pulled it up over my firm, full calf but there was still no way a pair of Calvin’s was gonna get between me and those boots. The search goes on… )

Oh, the guilt, the guilt!

Okay, so according to my sister I have been a bad, bad blogger. Yeah, tell me something I DON'T know. All I can say is that every minute of every hour of every day for the last week and a half has been a non-stop juggling act of life with two kids, two jobs, one husband and a new blog. But miracle of miracles, spring break has arrived and with the kids safely (I hope) esconced with their Dad for awhile I have every intent of catching up on things (including sleep and this blog). So much to update everyone on- more from the streets of New York, my favorite fashion looks from the annual Club Easter Egg Hunt, who IS America's next Supermodel? and if Holly wins, will Ben and Ronnie run off together to San Fran leaving Ben's lil southern wife in angst? These questions must be answered, and I promise they will be as soon as I get one more good night's sleep. So tune in tomorrow for another entry and until then, consider this greeting card thought (www.careerchik.com): I know I could be a successful working mother if I just had one thing. A wife.

Happenings on and off the beach

Hello loyal readers from near and far...just filling you in on some upcoming events brought to you by one or both of us Beaches.

KQ is in DC today for an ally&maddy trunk show.
Spring fashions, denim, jewelry & more.
Location: The Jacobs House, 413 New Jersey Ave SE (corner of D & NJ, 1 1/2 blocks from the Capitol metro)
Time: 4-9 pm
Who: All are welcome!
Why: You COULD fight mall and department store crowds and come out looking like everyone else, OR you could grab your friends, have a glass of wine and let us help you find something uniquely suited for you. Trust me. Our way is a LOT more fun.

Other shows coming soon to a town near you:
NYC April 10, Annapolis MD April 12, Sterling, VA TBA.
Contact style@allyandmaddy.com for more info.

Queen Beaches Fug or Fab party
Friday, April 4
7-9:30 pm @ ally&maddy in Duck
With our dear friends Tim Gunn, Nina Garcia and other style experts (well, they'll be there in hardback courtesy of Duck's Cottage), we'll help you shake off the fugly winter doldrums and blossom into fab spring styles. And if that won't help, the martini's should....
Plus we're finally celebrating the release of the Queen Beaches!

Something is wrong with this picture

Since we're on a roll with Starbucks lately, I thought I'd go ahead and post this last observation. On my way to DC yesterday I stopped at the 'bucks in Chesapeake and snapped this photo:

The table against the back wall is marked with the familiar blue wheelchair logo, so obviously it's intended to be used as an accessible table. Here is my question...how is someone in a wheelchair supposed to get to it?

Starburnt Wars: Episode II

There’s not a whole lot I can add to Quinn’s entry regarding the arrival of Starburnt to the Outer Banks. Ditto pretty much covers it. Please bear with me though on a few more insights. Like Katherine, I’ll hit a Starbucks when I’m near one and in dire need of a fix. The good thing about this giant white shark of a franchise is that when you walk in for a caramel machiatto you know exactly what you‘ll get, they’re real good with the consistency factor and let me tell you why that’s such a biggie for me. That independent awesomely cool Duck, NC coffeeshop that KQ mentioned- Duck’s Cottage- just happens to be where I’ve worked the past five years. We’re a coffeeshop/bookstore and while I am the manager of the bookstore aspect of the business, I also know my way around an espresso machine and can sling drinks with any of the barristas at SB. Due to this unique experience, I’ve also developed some pretty decent taste buds when it comes to lattes, americanos and iced coffee. We get our beans from a small roaster in Lexington, VA. We get them once a week and often take delivery the day after they’ve been roasted. We’re talking fresh prince fresh, always good, never burnt. We also make our iced drinks with a cold brewed method called the coffee toddie. Meaning that the espresso concentrates we use for iced drinks have never been through a heat process. Most other coffee shops pull hot shots of espresso, dumps it over ice, adds any mixers and whips it across the counter. When that hot shot hits ice, the oils of the bean reencapsulate resulting in an almost unavoidable, very consistent bitter aftertaste to your iced mocha, latte, whatever. With our process, you never get that bitterness (which is probably why people stand in 10 person lines in the summer to get one of our iced drinks.) There’s also an art to working an espresso machine which oftentimes is never developed in your average small coffee shop but which, through the wonders of corporate America, seems to be part of the training at SB which, naturally, gives a level of consistency that will usually satisfy a coffee drinker’s palate. I’ve watched plenty of people running machines at various independent establishments and have had to literally force myself to keep from walking around the counter and asking if I could just please do it myself. My boss has read reports that claim when a Starbucks opens it actually helps other coffee shops in the adjacent area because it ‘turns more people on’ to the wonders of coffee, coffee drinks, etc. But the OBX is a pretty small place and while my store is just far enough away from them to probably avoid any adverse effects, there are plenty of others who could be hurt. Here’s what I like to remind people about shopping in my independent bookstore that applies to this situation as well and is good to remember no matter where you live and shop. Dollars spent in locally owned businesses have three times the impact on your community as dollars spent in chains. Locally owned businesses build strong neighborhoods by sustaining communities. They require relatively little infrastructure and make more efficient use of public services. A marketplace of small businesses guarantees innovation, low prices and a broader range of product choices over the long term. Local ownership means important decisions are made locally by people who will feel the direct effects on their community. Okay, lecture over. But if you want to find out more information about the importance of shopping locally regardless of where you live, check out www.amiba.net, the site for the American Independent Business Alliance. You might just find your eyes opened even more about your skinny, half-caf, extra dry, one Splenda LARGE cappuccino. (Note: we don’t speak Starbuck at our store; therefore, we only have three sizes- small, medium and large.)

It's official!

The signs went up yesterday so we can finally put all those "yes they are!" vs. "no they're not!" rumors to bed. The 'bucks is coming to the 'banks. Don't have any word yet on when the new Southern Shores Starbucks will be opening, but I can confirm that build out began Sunday. I have very mixed feelings about this. Don't get me wrong, I love my grande non-fat two-pump no-whip high-maintenance white chocolate mocha as much as the next girl. I'm just not sure how I feel about being able to walk to get it (as opposed to the HOUR drive it takes now). See, as a small business owner in a small town built on small local businesses, it's sort of sad to see a chain the size and power of Starbucks come to town. Does this mean we've finally arrived? or is this the end of the charm of the outer banks? Personally, I think that charm came to a screeching halt when Hooters and Wings came to town. Across the board I like Starbucks a whole lot better than both of those, this just somehow feels like the tipping point. It reminds me of the days when I worked for the Washington Wizards. (just hang in with me here for a sec, non-NBA fans) We would work our butts off promoting our team, trying to get fans to support the local team. And they did! They loved us (well most of the time. Ok, at least when we were winning). Then the Bulls and Michael Jordan would come to town and it was all MJ and not much love for C.Webb. I gotta admit, it hurt a little. So now I have visions of caravans of idling black Suburbans awash in NY and NJ plates, crowding the Marketplace on Saturdays and Sundays, making it difficult for me to get my bacon egg and cheese at Tommy's. OR watching said SUV's fly down Duck Road, cruising right past the oh so yummie Mucky Duck's and Coconut Crunch coffee at Duck's Cottage, or the fresh baked daily treats at Tullio's, picking off walkers and cyclists in their wake in search of what they call "real" coffee, which c'mon, it isn't all that. Sure, change and growth are a good thing, but all I ask is this....don't forget to support the home team.

Kimora Lee- can you pheel the love? Phifty bucks, baybee.

I’m sure somewhere within the Queen Beaches Oscar Blog, and every other live Oscars blog out there, is this statement- Who the Heck does Kimora Lee Simmons think she is showing up at the Oscars, yappety yapp yappin away about other people‘s clothes, looking like a Real (not) OC Housewife? Believe it or not, it gets even worse. Here’s the skinny if you’re not up to speed: former model (tapped by Chanel? A muse? Furreal?), the ‘only multi-ethnic woman to have a successful fashion empire’, creative director of the Baby Phat line (does anybody else cringe when you see actual baby Baby Phat clothes at Macy’s? There’s something so wrong there), America’s Next Top Model judge, author of Fabulosity: What It Is and How To Get It (Note: fabulosity does not stand up to a Scrabble challenge), and she was married to the Def Jam main man, Russell Simmons who started the label Phat Farm from which the Baby Phat line sprang which basically Kimora got in the divorce. Anyway, she really drove me crazy during the Oscars and, after doing some research, it looks like she drives a lot of people crazy with her phasionista schtick. So naturally I was doubly aghast, appalled and offended when my daughter and I rounded a corner in the Times Square Toys R Us- 'Where a kid can be a kid!'- and ran smack into this: take a good long look at photo. (In fact, double click for a larger image for an even better shock and awe experience. Marvel at the incredibly cheesy Hiltonesque details. Yep, those ARE fish nets.) Apparently I missed the 2007 launch of the Kimora Lee Simmons Gold Label/Digger Barbie and it’s a good thing, too. Because the last thing I want my daughter playing with is this train wreck of a hooker action figure. That’s just a huge tranny mess. I heard the ex-Guv bought five.

Photo credit Sarah Reed Shotton

New York, New York

First, apologies for the unannounced disappearance. If you’ve been speculating that after only two weeks of international infamy (we have a reader in Germany), this Queen Beach had already landed in rehab, I must report that, as much fun as that lightning quick downward spiral ending in a spa cum rehab resort looks, this particular rumor is, unfortunately, untrue. No, fair knights and ladies, this goodly Queen has just spent five days in…. NEW. YAWK. CITY. the HOLY land and MECCA of ALL that is right in the world (or at least in the eyes of Elle, Vogue and InStyle). the BIG Apple. EMPIRE State. Home of the GIANTS… the YANKEES and… SPITZER! Delicious, potential blog material was espied at every step; here's just a sampling of what I'll be serving up this week- Lament for the Soleus Challenged in 7 Minor… Kimora Lee Simmons Just Won’t Go Away… Bagmen and Baubles and Shades- Oh My!- Dorothy discovers the Yellow Brick Road. Um, I mean Canal Street…. Suburban Retrofit by Urban Outfitters… I Want My Carlton Banks (Just not in Canary Yellow)… Sidewalk Showdown: Fur Vs. Feathers… and Katherine Is Right: It IS All About the Accessories.
(I’ve also been asked for a final word on PR which I’ll try to get to although with Top Chef: Chicago starting tonight Tom & Padma have just become Priority Numero Uno. In fact, I have made my 13 year old pinky swear he‘ll share his new brown Top Chef t-shirt we found at the NBC store. For some odd reason he wasn’t enticed by the one featuring a black and white photo of last season’s winner with the caption ‘Top Hung‘. But like I said, he‘s only 13.)

Photo credit: Sarah Reed Shotton

Can you keep up?

This is pretty cool. Big shout out to Kenny for finding this one.

EDIT: Youtube has taken down the video -- you can access through this link:
Awareness Test

Good Luck!

As promised...my PR finale wrap up. Finally.

When Alexander Graham Bell said "When one door closes, another opens," I'm pretty sure he wasn't talking about television. Regardless, it seems pretty appropriate for this past week. For while I've been bemoaning the end of Project Runway and the series finale of the Wire, I completely lost my focus for a minute there and forgot all about March Madness. Of course in sports you don't get quite the same opportunities to make snarky comments about sartorial disasters and the surrounding drama, but all is not lost - the 2008 PGA Tour is only just getting underway and there are bound to be some prime pickings.

No, no Ian. We tip our pink visors to YOU.

But before we get all a twitter about the future, let's take a brief moment to say goodbye to PR. It's been almost a week and a) I still think it was a boring finale, b) I've decided I don't really like any of the collections, and c) It would have been SO much better if Chris had the opportunity to present his parade of hair. I missed the drama! I don't mean drama like Christian's Pirates of Penzance collection, I mean REAL drama, like when everyone hated Wendy, or when everyone hated Jeffrey. It's just not as much fun when everyone gets along. It's like watching NASCAR for the crashes or hockey for the fights -- no one really tunes in for the other stuff. There were a few outfits worth noting, so let's work from the bottom up. First up - Jillian:
Holy hell! Was this leftover from the evening gown portion of the WWF divas episode? Aren't her feet going to be cold when she hits the ice for her triple lutz? (Is it a legging? A stocking? Are the arms and legs made out of the same material? I'm so confused.) Is this one of Spitzer's gals? 'cause for $5,500 an hour you'd think she could have some socks or a whole skirt. Jillian darling, I'd ask you all these questions but listening to your response would probably just lull me to sleep. I liked this version much better, but I can't seem to get past the creepy cat's eyes peering through her breasts:

I don't want to be a total hater. Her collection was expertly tailored and for the most part surprisingly wearable (but not so much with the equestrian hats). Moving on...I was fond of this little number from Rami:

I was pretty darn impressed when I realized it was in fact 2 pieces and all 1930's antique lace. Not surprisingly, his dresses were beautiful and well made, and he'll have a nice career ahead of him dressing starlets for the red carpet. Which brings us to Christian, who we can all start to hate as soon we get sick of hearing the word "fierce" which should be right about....now. I get why he won - his collection was very fashion-y and avant garde, but I just can't picture it sitting on the racks at Nordstrom. Guess that's not his goal. And I know Posh thought this dress was may-jah, but everytime I look at it all I can think of are those crepe paper centerpieces that start flat and you open them up into the shape of a pineapple or a hula girl or something.
I just hope she's seen a doctor about that unfortunate growth on her feet.

Mason wins!!

whoopsie....

Seems NY Governor Elliot Spitzer has gotten himself into a bit of trouble. Click HERE for the Washington Post article on his admission that he was involved in a prostitution ring.

What we thought of Governor Spitzer yesterday:

What we think of him today:

Nice going, Gov.

At least someone is reading this crap!

I LOVE getting comments. Seriously, there's nothing worse than throwing something out there and all you get back is...crickets. So big ups, shout outs & thanks to all of you who have been chiming in and giving us feedback. Keep it coming! Special thanks today to Colleen for posting this link with her comment - it's too funny. Oh...I mean FIERCE!

Monday, Monday....

Hello dear readers! (yes, that's you mom and dad.) Let me go ahead and speak for both Jamie and myself and say sorry we've been AWOL. We had to take a short weekend trip to celebrity rehab to break ourselves of our Project Runway addiction. Sure, hanging with Dr. Drew and Jeff "Kenickie/Bobby" Conaway may sound glamorous, but rehab is hard - just ask Lindsey. In fact it's been SO traumatic for us that we haven't been able to think about writing a wrap up, because then we would have to accept that the season is over and wee little Christian "Flock of Seagulls" Soriano is the victor. (Actually, Jamie was in the big apple with her family on a little getaway and I was on the Jersey Shore "working.") BUT...I for one am ready to don my Chris March hair extension catsuit and get back to work. So tonight, while I watch George Mason whip up on William & Mary in the CAA tourney final (sorry Tara, but I've got to stand by my boys - it's been an impressive run, but we need to reclaim our glass slipper), I will be re-capping the PR season finale for your Tuesday morning reading pleasure. And just WAIT until I tell you about the Yummie Tummies.....

that's all for now...

jamie and i will have our post-PR wrap ups tomorrow. auf weidersehen, bitches.

and the winner is....

christian. oh my god he's a wee fierce little elf! look at him next to heidi. he comes up to her shoulder!

10:49

christian is completely falling apart at the seams. i love it!!

christian's show

ok, i had to go back and rewind after the computer debacle, so i'm just catching up. will have to come back to christian's cause i'm slightly speechless. that was just uncool to skin big birds' cousin for the show.

what is with the hairdo's? it didn't work for sienna miller or jessica alba, & isn't working here.

why is that girl in the hefty bag blouse carrying a duffel bag? edit...maybe it's got rami's career in it. whoa! zing!

LOVE the high collared red shirt. I'll take two.

wow, rami drapes AND weaves.

overall much more cohesive, but again, some hits, some misses, some wtfs?

all by myself...

so i guess i stand alone in not loving jillians collection based on jamie's post and shlara's email. but heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere's rami.... let's see what happens.

Jillian's runway show

First: Posh was evidently in the same car as the model that was late cause apparently she didn't have time to get out of her robe. And Heidi, we're all really impressed you can fit into your cavaricci jeans from 1980-whatever, but that doesn't mean you had to wear them!
hey! jillian made a coat. Shocking. and a miniskirt. now that's just crazy and unexpected. wtf is that heinous gold thing? look at that - when you take off your sailor shirt you can use it to mop the decks. that blue dress looks just like something laura would have made, but she would have done it better. sorry jillian, but all i can say is, enh.

I'm having issues....

So my laptop just went batshit crazy and completely shut down, my heating pad is scaling my back and I just ran out of wine. I hate this f***ing show. When does Top Chef start?

Potty Break

Okay, potty break- I mean BLOG break- number one: several thoughts-
that striped shirt that Jillian whipped out for Tim- those sleeves are one of two things: either they're made from the pelt of that really cool looking herding dog, the Bergamasco Sheepdog, that makes everybody go 'oooo, aaah' at the Westminster Dog show... or she is recycling some of those eco-friendly soy-based packing peanuts.
Did anybody notice Jillian and Christian while Tim was looking through Rami's collection? The song 'Whiter Shade of Pale' comes to mind.
Apparently Christian's ego is directly connected to his hair because he is definitely not as cocky with the hair all flat like that. First glance at his feather dress- it's the missing Xman! The fiercome pheasant!
Okay, Blog break #2- love seeing all the people in the audience. Don't Jack and Dale from Top Chef make a cute little RealiTV couple? And I see Tyson... and Padma... and holy sh*t- Posh Spice is the guest judge? What a coup!
Jillians collection- lots of coats, I"m surprise how much I like most everything. And then that almost last long pleated dress comes out and WOW! It's like the coolest Palazzo pants ever.

10:10

Did Christian just say he's been walking around in those ridiculous booties for weeks? Why does that not surprise me, and yet not really frighten me?

10:08

Bring back the tragic model! She's the most entertaining thing i've seen in weeks.

Here we go....

Oh yeah! Posh is in the hizzle... That just totally upped the bitch factor.

Ok... it's almost time for the big finale... I'm watching the rerun from last week again and can only sit and think 'yep, I was right. Guinea fowl.' Also had to run and google Elizabeth Berkeley after an ad came on for yet another Bravo competitive reality show that she is hosting and yep, it's the one and only EB from that incredible disaster, Showgirls. Now I'm totally into Top Chef w/gorgeous Padma and Tom C (In fact we're headed to NYC Friday and are eating at Harold's restaurant on Saturday.) The Jonathan Adler hosted Top Design- it was cool. Hell, I even watched the hair show with Charlie's Angel Jaclyn Smith (sometimes just to hear Frederic pronounce 'shake it' like no other person on earth can. But Elizabeth Berkeley? I'm gonna have to go with Nancy Reagan on this and 'just say no'. Okay, 9:55pm... let's get comfortable!

It's Sew Time!

I'm ready! Curled up in my Archie Bunker chair, got my happy pants on, snuggled up to the heating pad (low back injury), and halfway through the second glass of wine. Okay designers...bring it!! This sh*t better be good. My prediction: Christian, even with that fluffy dickie thing that looks like cheese-whiz.

PR Pre-game

Big night. Project Runway, the finale, part 2. Can't you just feel the excitement in the air? Jamie and I will be live blogging the entire episode. We'll have more in-depth analysis tomorrow, cause we know you can't get enough. As I go through my pre-game ritual I felt I had to speak out against the atrocity I just witnessed. Yes, I admit it, I'm watching American Idol, and holy CRAP this girl is wearing high waisted shorts, and they're SATIN! Did she not see my last blog? This is wrong on so many levels. Who the hell is dressing these people? If anyone in American Idol wardrobe world is listening, seriously. I'm available. Call me.

If this is in, then I must be out

In honor of tonight's final episode **sniff** of Project Runway, I thought a fashion related post was in order. Now, I work in fashion, I love clothes, and appreciate the artistic vision and craftsmanship that go into couture pieces. Sometimes, I can even find it in my cold cynical heart to appreciate a style that the industry might describe as "fashion forward" or "edgy" yet to me looks "ugly." Occasionally, my instincts are correct (I will NEVER endorse high waisted, denim shorts, do you hear me Mischa Barton?), and sometimes I'm the lone naysayer (still don't get Vera Bradley bags. or Tom Cruise). But when this little number crossed my desk this morning, I felt pretty confident filing it in the HELL no department:

First of all, what is going on with that eye makeup? Was that intentional? Smokey eye gone a wee bit too far? Maybe she just hasn't made it home from last night. I mean, she's got that walk of shame look (and last night's makeup) all over her face, so perhaps she's climbed that tree to look for a taxi home. or her dignity. or her pants. Or maybe those studded bat wings she's sporting serve multiple purposes and she can acutally just wait for a stiff breeze and float home. I hope so, because I have no idea where she'd keep her cab fare.

Photo of the Day

I don't know a thing about cricket, but I do know this - that's gonna leave a mark!

Here, in a nutshell, is what happened between Aussie cricket player Andrew Symonds and, well...that guy:

During the 10th over, play was held up as the male streaker showed security a clean pair of heels - and a whole lot more.

But as the smug pitch invader rounded Symonds to complete his naked lap, the burly Queenslander put on a hit that left the intruder air-borne - and the crowd gasping.

Security quickly pounced as a nonchalant Symonds hardly moved at the non-striker's end, as if it was all in a day's work.

For the full story (and another cheeky picture) check out Australian newspaper The Age.

Mothers & Daughters

I received this email from my sister last week:

"A friend of mine asked if there are any girl positive movies or cartoons that focus on the female relationships (daughter/mother, etc) for little girls that don't involve princesses. She days she can only find father/daughter stuff and since dad is a bit of a dick, she rather not enforce the idea that daddy will save the day. Any ideas or suggestions?"

Well this shouldn't be too hard. So I started listing all the mother/daughter movies I could think of off the top of my head: Terms of Endearment. uh, no. Mermaids. no. Gypsy. no. Thirteen. HELL no. Turns out to be a much more challenging assignment than I thought, and than it should be.
According to Hollywood, if you're a married mom you're basically a passenger on the 'daddy rules' train, and if you're single, well, then you're either an addict or a wacko, but you're definitely NOT a good role model. You are, by definition, struggling and in need of someone to save the day. (What the hell was the name of that movie with Michelle Pfeiffer and George Clooney, you know, where she's a mess and loses his kid? One Fine Day. If you haven't seen it, don't worry about it. I just told you all you need to know.) The only time mothers are seen as strong is when they are protecting their young (see: Terminator, horror flicks, animal channel). And as we know, Disney doesn't make a movie where mom isn't evil or dead.
Sarah and I talked at length last night about how ridiculous it is that NO ONE could come up with a suggestion. The closest I got was Bridge to Terebithia, but her relationship with her mother isn't a major part of the movie, and (spoiler alert!) she dies. So THAT's out. Sarah nominated Gilmore Girls, which is a great and RARE example of a healthy mother/daughter relationship (and a terrific show if you haven't seen it), but a little too mature for our purposes.
What we did discover was that some of the strongest characters came from 1970's television, where you really had the first examples of strong single moms: One Day at a Time, The Partridge Family, Kate & Allie (okay that was the 80's but you get our point). The Cosby Show, Good Times, The Golden Girls, My So Called Life (not always happy, but a realistic portrayal), The Simpsons -- there are some decent examples out there, but not quite what we're looking for. A quick google search reveals only one new suggestion, Reba. I've never seen her show, but if someone has I'd love to hear more.

We were finally able to come up with only one suggestion: Ice Princess. Yes it has 'princess' in the title, which we were trying to avoid, and it does have a bit of that ugly duckling into swan thing which can drive me crazy, BUT it's a great example of mothers and daughters looking out for each other, being pals but yet maintaining their respective roles, and keeping that incredibly powerful bond. Plus, I cried a little when Joan Cusack showed up for the big competition at the end, so it HAS to be good, right?

So...I'm putting this out to all the amazing moms out there...what do YOU think?

A Birthday Message from Tim

Queen Beaches readers, could you all gather round please? I have a very special announcement. Today is one of our favorite bloggers birthday! I know you'll all join me in wishing Katherine Quinn a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY and will agree that she looks stunning as she heads into this next year. Now don't be alarmed readers, I know that you haven't been given a lot of time and the budget for this challenge is minimal. But I can tell you that I know exactly what Katherine is looking for on the birthday present runway. We've got to make this blog work, people! So get out your sketchbooks, put on your thinking caps, and get interactive! Katherine would like nothing more than reader comments, feedback and posts so get registered now and start letting her know how you feel about Queen Beaches! And Katherine- from Heidi, Michael, Nina, all of us here at Project Runway, Bravo and Liz Claiborne- carry on like it's your birthday!

Rhymes with Canuck...

Last night I stumbled across this little gem:

Three people were busted for engaging in "alleged sexual acts" while driving down the Trans-Canada highway.

After reports from commuters who witnessed the high speed love-in, including one who apparently followed the car for a while, the police ran the license plate and waited for the driver at his home. When the driver pulled in (heh heh), only the man and another woman were in the car, as they had already dropped off the third wheel. "And both were determined to be in the nude," he said. Wonder how they determined THAT? Must have been some crack police work.

The article does leave me with several questions: Were they alleged sex acts because the police didn't witness the acts? or was it a performance issue? And I'm still trying to figure out exactly how they pulled this off. Were they all in the front seat? Was there a stick shift involved? Were they in the HOV lane?

Definitely a good argument for carpooling.

http://www.canada.com/victoriatimescolonist/news/story.html?id=21a94312-6d66-4d97-a356-2870439ae258

On The Town

Nothing like a good party to break up the winter doldrums! Went to a ‘Winter Blues’ party last night with band, open bar, the works and the best part was the invite said ‘Wear Your Blue Jeans’- woo-hoo! That’s what I‘m talkin about! Everybody was rockin their jeans- next time I’ll remember a camera so I can shoot favorites to post here. I myself was wearing James Jeans Dry Aged Denim from Ally & Maddy (just started a Bravo product placement correspondence course) and the cheapest top in the place which was a fawn colored suede halter top thingy I pulled out of a Barr-ee tent sale years ago. It was maybe ten bucks. Unfortunately, my husband didn't get the memo about the jeans and, unbeknownst to me, is down to two pairs too ragged out to go anywhere. So he sported his dog-embroidered J. Crew khakis, telling everyone ‘the dog ate my jeans’. Which is totally believable and once I start breaking out my dog stories, you’ll understand. So found out a couple things last night- A: apparently we so inspired our friend Patty to start watching PR that even her husband is now hooked. We had some good convo about the upcoming finale (which we’ll be live blogging) B: this event was at the Aquarium on Roanoke Island; VERY cool venue but I seemed to be the only one concerned about the potential for alcoholic drink spillage in the sting ray tank. C: Bart- love the new look! As Paris would say ‘it’s hot!‘. D: People are actually READING this blog!! Thank you, thank you to everyone who commented on Queen Beaches last night, and Lorena, Charlena and Claiborne- thanks for some good blog ideas. (Katherine, continue with your retail retirement plans.)

And to all the fabulous OBX socialites out and workin' it last night- it’s good to see fashion is alive and well on the Outer Banks! (a big Merci BeauCoup to all the awesome host couples for putting on such a fab soiree; double merci to Grant & Elizabeth for the invite!)

The soy cheese stands alone

It was a beautiful day at the beach - almost 70 degrees on March 1 - perfect timing for the grand opening of Rita's Italian Ice. Now this might not seem particularly exciting to some of you, but for us it was HUGE. When you live in a beach resort town, you can barely throw a tourist without hitting an ice cream, fudge, or doughnut shop. And that can be hard on a kid with allergies to all things dairy - watching locals and tourists alike line up and enjoy frosty treats on a hot summer day. We have been able to enjoy italian ice at Tullio's in Duck (our fave!), and snow cones at the ice cream shop across from the Kitty Hawk Hilton, but here's the beauty of Rita's - we can walk, run, ride our bikes and/or scooters, thus combining a fun family outing with a delicious dairy free treat! As a mom, it just doesn't get much better than that. We can report the following: the mango ROCKS! blueberry and strawberry were also yummy and Maddy was a big fan of the choc chip cookie dough italian ice. I had the coffee custard which was good, as was Kenny's choc/vanilla custard swirl. Our pal Kiirsten was there with her kids and they gave 8 thumbs up for the strawberry blendini, which should totally be the name of a new Muppets character. He can hang out with the Swedish Chef.

This provides the perfect opportunity to tell you about something I saw today on one of my other favorite blogs, postpunkkitchen.com. I discovered the site when searching for dairy free cupcake recipes and was led to their book, Vegan Cupcakes Take Over the World. Indeed they do! Ally is a HUGE fan of the apple cider cupcakes, and I'm sure we'll eventually work our way through the entire book. Definitely check out the site - those ppk girls are hilarious, especially if you like vegan chef feminist activist humor. Case in point, this recent post:

The Vegan Version Of Watching Paint Dry?
The boys at Chicago Soy Dairy have been hard at work on their latest product, a vegan cheese called Teese. I have high hopes for this stuff, and I’ll be testing it in my oven at a pizza party next weekend. Until then, you can watch it melt in a pizza oven to a back drop of “Rock You Like A Hurricane.” As if we needed Scorpion to make the melting soy cheese seem exciting!

I don't know why, but that totally cracked me up. Oh yeah that, and this cake:



Those crazy vegans....

BTW, I totally think the phrase "watching soy cheese melt" should be introduced to the American lexicon as in, "whatcha doin? oh nothing, just hanging around, watching the soy cheese melt," or "damn! it's hot enough out there to melt soy cheese!" or perhaps "jeezus, watching the Jonas Brothers in that movie was about as exciting as watching soy cheese melt."

One last link, to my other favorite cheese (ps, not for the kids): http://richardcheese.com/

Wishing you a cheesy, peaceful weekend.

I Feel Pretty

I got so caught up by Quinn kicking my butt in the AT&T sponsored ‘Famous Friends & Family’ contest that I spent all day trying to think of anybody to play on my team but all I got is a middle-school boyfriend I haven’t seen in over twenty years who shares the name of an actor in the upcoming movie A Dog Year. So Josh Liveright, if you’re the same Josh Liveright who went to SEMS, how YOU doin’?
Now for the post I meant to post yesterday… Make Me A Supermodel. AKA.. Make Me Feel Incredibly Superior to Beautiful People. (at least these particular beautiful people). This is basically Real World with all the average looking smart roommates screened out. They’re strangers, right? They’ve been picked to live in a house, right? And they’re viciously pitted against each other daily by the show’s editors and producers, right? It’s like Jonathan Murray and Bridgitte Nielsen got together over cocktails and figured out a whole new way to torture unsuspecting young souls.
My first highlight comes right after Jackie gets the boot and says ‘This is what I was born to do…’. Now I think Jackie is really attractive and, like Cory said, is probably well suited for swimwear, which I am most certainly not. But in ten or so years when the looks go followed by the body what will you have been ‘born to do’ then? It’s not like saying ’I was born to play the flutophone!’ which is a talent you can always bank on.
A big question mark for me pops up as the models pile into cars outside their building. They’re riding around in Mercedes! The Project Runway people, who actually design and make clothes that the bodies wear on the catwalk, ride around in Saturns. Is there something just not right about that? Apparently the folks over at PR are getting their booties kicked by the product placement people at Supermodel. But then, doesn’t it seem like the beautiful people always get the best stuff?
I missed last week where they cut Frankie’s naturally wavy, full bodied hair; He’s still adorable, especially when he keeps twitching his head around to make those non-existent tresses bounce around. (Now there's a talent!) He better get used to the fact there’s no more hair to flick or he’ll be having C1 issues.
Perry is so incredibly relieved to have been spared by the AllTel Wireless Voting Network that he’s gone all yogi overnight and does the whole pressed hand ‘namaste’ thing about ten times. Peace out, bro.
Shannon… what’s wrong with that girl? She’s obviously having serious issues which, based on symptoms, could be gallbladder, appendix or, my vote, she has agreed to have Ben & Ronnie’s love child and is in the first stages of a difficult, skinny girl pregnancy. I love the half-hearted voice that says ‘Gosh, I hope she’s alright’ when Shannon is all but collapsing on the snow. I love that the judges think she is SO professional for doing the catwalk after having just been in the hospital TWO hours ago. But is anybody WORRIED about WHY that poor child was in hospital?? People, what’s important here? Shannon, go see a specialist. You can’t enjoy the title of Supermodel if you’re dead even though you'll forever be remembered as young and hot.
The whole Ben thing this week is out of left field. He really hurt Ronnie, will there be make-up sex? I don’t believe his apology 'I didn't mean it' could be taken seriously for a minute. But I also spit beer everywhere moments later when these words come out of this cute little southern baby boy’s mouth- ‘when I was in school... and then college’. Nuff said.
Final note- from the first time I saw this show a few weeks ago every time I hear Tyson say ‘It is now up to America to decide who can be made a Supermodel and who can’t’ this same thought comes into my head: wha, the producers can't trust this judging panel enough to let them make the decisions? But I guess if it works for American Idol, why not give it a shot.