Give it to me hot

It's pretty much a given at this point that even though I'm at work I'm going to get absolutely nothing accomplished today. I'll be back later to finish my CMA awards commentary, but in the meantime, while I'm here typing aimlessly, there are a couple of loose blog-ends I need to tie up from previous posts.

I still haven't read the Bobby Brown tell all so Jamie hurry the hell up and get me a copy because that's going to be some PRIME material. I'm not willing to actually pay to read that crap, so a peek at your advance copy would be lovely. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure, nay, the unabashed pure joy of the phenomenon that is Bobby and Whitney, I present the following classic clip:


In other news: I am giddy that my boy Jamie Oliver is back on the Food Network. The formerly naked chef is now fully clothed and apparently hasn't left his farm in years (and doesn't seem to have spent his time away focusing on grooming), but his new show looks promising and I plan to watch as many episodes as possible tomorrow from the comfort of my couch. Gillie - this one's for you!

It's going to be a blog-o-riffic weekend!

One of those days

Seeing as how I am pretty much in a constant state of sleep deprivation, I've always thought the idea that you could get too much sleep was pretty much a load of crap. Well today I am disproving my own skepticism. After a couple of complimentary cocktails at the Lost Colony golf tournament yesterday (props to Kathy Horne for a terrific job!) I went home last night and instead of falling asleep at 9 like I suspected and secretly hoped, I stayed up and watched the Good Shepherd. (By the way, if anyone out there has seen the movie, could you please explain to me WTF was going on? I fancy myself a relatively intelligent gal, but even with liberal use of the DVR rewind I still found myself frequently cocking my head to the side and asking of no one in particular, "HUH?" I'd appreciate some insights, otherwise I'm going to have to watch it again AND brush up on my US/Cuba/Russian history, and I really don't want to bother.)

I finally went to sleep around 1 after watching Charles Barkley on Jimmy Kimmel - hilarious by the way, do check it out at abc.com. All was going well until the 6 am battle royale with a kamikaze mosquito that basically involved me flailing about frantically smacking my own head in a groggy stupor in an attempt to kill said skeeter. Finally got the bastard at 7, and ended up sleeping in until 10 am. So one might think I'd be well rested today. Not so much. I am moving in a slow motion fog - hazy and completely out of it. My eyes look as puffy as a blowfish, I've had two disgustingly carb-laden breakfasts, a large coffee that is doing absolutely nothing to give me a boost, the subsquent crash that follows such a nutritious meal AND arrived at work to discover you can see right through my dress to my green underwear. Classy. But my hair looks fantastic and that my dear friends, is all that really matters sometimes.

It's raining.... it's pouring

The Blog Gods have smiled upon me today after totally ignoring my white a** most of the week. Suddenly, spinning around in my cerebellum, are not just one or two but a good half-dozen potential blog topics. Feast or famine, that's the way things seem to go in my neck of the woods. First things first, there's some old laundry to fold.

After the beaver shot finally appeared, all those clamoring little voices out there were apparently stunned into submission and silence. It was almost a week before anyone picked their chins up off the floor and managed to comment. One post in particular stood out as it included this video link which I am sharing here again in case you are not a good little QB reader who routinely reads the comment threads. As you will see, sometimes people should ignore their impulses...



like sharing videos of 'Winona's Big Brown Beaver'. And so I say to them...

Holy batsh#t! What the hell kind of CRACK are you, Flyboy and 'anonymous' (how clever) smokin' up there in (-------)* because you all had to be on SOMETHING when you found those mondo bizarro plasticine presidential rodeo clowns. Have y'all never heard of coulrophobia? Do you think that maybe you were being a bit insensitive to any QB readers suffering from this serious malady? Put the PBR down and step AWAY from the pipe, people!!!

And besides, I don't even think those guys are really playing their instruments and it looks like they're lip synching!!! But before Flyboy starts whining 'you don't know c**k, it's Primus, man!' Yeah, yeah, I know. I think they peaked with the South Park theme.

*The location of these QB readers has been censored by the legal representatives and possible future campaign managers of a person who is sometimes and sometimes not associated with these readers. Hiya, Barbie's Boytoy!

A Vision of Something

I believe I went on record YEARS ago as not being a big fan of Mariah Carey. She would be president of the group my sister and I like to call "Oversingers Anonymous." Fashionably speaking, she's always walked on the wrong side of the hoochie track and frequently just looks, well, bloated. But I have to give MC her props tonight. I'm watching her on American Idol (why? I don't know. This show has completely jumped the shark. But it's the proverbial trainwreck. I can't help but watch. And cringe. And I think I can actually feel my brain cells melting. But I digress.) Mimi looks good. Except that skirt is leetle short, don't ya think? I'm just saying, if that below-the-stage camera gets any closer, well...

I'm not even remotely a little bit country

QB fans know that J.Lay and I love to live blog an event. Ok so maybe it's just an excuse to get together for some cocktails, but that doesn't mean we don't take our blogging responsibilties seriously. Well, apparently we missed the CMT Music Awards show the other night. Actually it's not so much that I missed it, it's that I didn't care. But after seeing a few photos online today, I thought it might be worth digging a little deeper. And boy did I unearth some gems.

First up, Marcia Brady. (everyone...Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!) I don't get it. Maureen McCormack is lovely and perky - look at the little flip in her hair. I mean c'mon, how many 50 somethings can pull that off? But the muumuu Marcia, the muumuu. Why the tent? Didn't you just drop a stone or two on Celebrity Fit Club? Or perhaps you are on your way to the 45th annual Oakland Raiders cheerleader reunion/powder puff game, where every year you perform a star and sequin studded musical halftime re-enactment of the famous "ooh, my nose" episode?

And speaking of gems, here's Jewel:

Now, I've never been a big fan of Jewel. She was always just a little too...nasal? Whiny? I don't know. But I have to admit, she's looks awfully pretty here. Fresh, light, happy. But wait....something is amiss. Let's zoom in for the close up....

Ack! The dreaded back flap. You're a petite gal. You look fit and trim, so what's the problem? Perhaps like your hands, your dress is too small. I know.

The Beach is Back

Greetings, yo. I've just returned from a whirlwind tour of NYC and Annapolis, MD. I had big plans to blog my way through my adventures, but I was never able to get internet access, or much sleep for that matter. I am glad to see JMe was able to keep things truly rolling in my absence. Seriously. BIG shout out for the beaver. (If I had a dollar....) It's good to know that we've firmly entrenched ourselves in the gutter. Ah...there's no place like home.


So after yesterday's 'mental health day' (aka sleeping until 10:30), I'm back on track wasting copious amounts of time "researching" for the blog. And lookey here at what I found:

Sweet Caroline he's touring again! Neil Diamond has announced a summer concert tour to support the release of his new album.

As for the album - "Home Before Dark," due out May 6 - Diamond said: "This
record represents a giant step in my evolution as a writer and a recording
artist ... you will see I've gone deeper. It was more painful to write this -
maybe the most difficult album I've ever written, and maybe my best."

What??? Better than 'Heartlight?' 'Love on the Rocks?' 'Forever in Blue Jeans?' Hardly possible, I say. And according to the Diamond himself, the concert will be one for the ages:

Diamond said fans will be wowed by the show, which includes what he calls "technical wizardry ... we can do things on this stage that we've never dreamed were possible."

Technical wizardry, indeed. Neil, you know we already think of you as a musical and lyrical wizard. Witness:

Drop your shrink and stop your drinkin'
Crunchy granola's neat
Sing it out
Alright
Da da da da
Da da da da da
Dee dee dee do
Deedle-ee dum dum
I'll have a double, please

I'm not sure I can handle much more wizardry, but I'm a Believer. And now that I know he's out pimping a new album, 5 bucks says he shows up on American Idol this season.

1,001 Things to Do With A....

And here is a close-up shot of my beaver that with god as my witness I will one day put to good use in lots of new, exciting and fabulous ways.