The Brazilian Hugh Grant

Seems that Brazilian soccer star Ronaldo has gotten himself into a bit of a pickle, so to speak. The football phenom thought he was in for a good time with a few hookers, only to discover his liaison had turned into a hot tranny mess.

POLICE are investigating allegations by three transvestites that Brazilian soccer star and AC Milan forward Ronaldo threatened them after taking them to a Rio de Janeiro motel. Police said they were also looking into an accusation by the 31-year-old player that one of the transvestites tried to extort 50,000 reais ($31, 619) in return for not going to the media. Ronaldo, who is back in his hometown recovering from an injury, left a nightclub in the posh Barra da Tijuca neighbourhood early yesterday with three call girls, only to find out at the motel that they were men, according to authorities. (news.com.au/Reuters)

Ronaldo and the transvestites were taken to the police station for questioning.

"He admitted to everything, he wanted to have fun," [police investigator Carlos Augusto] Nogueira said. "But he committed no crime at all, it was immoral at best."

Though reported as saying he would investigate both sides of the story, Nogueira said he believed Ronaldo's version because the transvestite decided to leave the police station even before being fully questioned by authorities.

All I know is, Ronaldo and the Transvestites would be a great name for a band.

Separated at Birth?

I'm just sayin'.....

Cal Ripken Jr. and Tom Colicchio.

You be the judge.

Note: I have to give credit where credit is due. Queen Beach faithful Claiborne actually brought this similarity to light one day in the bookstore when she spotted a stack of Ripken's new book, Get in the Game, and started drooling all over it before realizing it was NOT Tom C. She unashamedly admitted to being Colicchio Obsessed which is always the first step to recovery. Anyhow, thanks for the material.

But how does my ass look?

Dear QB readers,

I've been thinking of trying out a new look, and I wanted to get your opinion. Summer is around the corner, and I think I really want to shake things up, step outside the box, try a little something new. I feel like I've been doing the same old boring, 'clean' look for years now, and it's time for something different. I mean, who wants to look like every other mom at the playground? So I've made a couple of changes - nothing too major, just easing into it.

Okay, so maybe this picture isn't the most flattering of me -- I think it's a bad camera angle, or the lighting is off -- but you can still get the idea, right? I'm totally digging my new 'do. If I really tease and spray it just right, I can go weeks without washing it (you totally can't tell, right?), and if I don't feel like carrying a purse, I can just store stuff in my hair. It's brilliant! I've got 3 more necklaces and a change of shoes in there right now (totally one of those "day-to-evening" looks.) I know the eye makeup looks like a lot of work for every day, but as you get older I think you'll agree with me that it's worth putting in that extra effort every day. Try it. You'll thank me. And the faux tear drop I drew under my eye. Cute, right? It's witty and coy, and it's like, ironic, cause like, I look really happy on the outside but it's like I'm crying on the inside. It's symbolic. (I'm protesting the cigarette tax. And tans.) Unfortunately my blush and lipstick seemed to have worn off, but it's okay, isn't it? I mean, I still want to look natural. And how sexy am I with that saucy bra hanging out of my shirt? The whole look just oozes sex appeal, does it not? Well, it's certainly oozing something.

Now that we're such super stars, I thought a makeover might help me score more press. I already got a call from some place in Malibu called "Promises". Sounds like a nice place -- really relaxing. I hear there's LOTS of celebrities there. It'll be so cool! But they said I'd have to leave my pipes and doobies at home. They're so silly - I don't even play an instrument!

Anyhoodle, just thought I'd give you guys the first "crack" at commenting on my new look. I hope you like it. I think it looks GREAT! Alrighty then, thanks!

Love and sloppy kisses,

KQ

Going On Record

I admire the current trend of not declaring for presidential candidates that many newspapers and magazines have been jumping on. After all, if a publication delcares one way or the other do they not then become a mere vehicle, a 'tool' if you will, for that particular candidate and their party? Can you really trust their reporting once you know they favor one over another? Bravo, I say, long live the free press!


This custom, however, does not extend nor apply to blogs. Therefore, with the race becoming more bloody and vicious everyday... while erstwhile victors from every camp lie fallen by the wayside; as each potential and worthwhile champion endures the pernicious scrutiny of their every shot by the press... I feel the time has come for the QB's to shrug off our cloaks of impartiality and announce our preferences once and for all.


Today, my fellow Americans, I am pleased to declare the Queen Beaches for..... the Pittsburgh Penguins!!!!

(What can I say- when you let the QB's choose from a varied field of candidates, we're always gonna pick cute young boys with long sticks!)

Disclaimer: We would like to state that we were in no way, shape or form reimbursed for this promotion by the Pittsburgh Penguins, the NHL or Sidney Crosby. Okay, it's shameless, but at least we worked his name in somewhere on the off chance Sid the Kid has a habit of googling himself (like some people we know). Sidney, if you find this, pleeeeeeaaaaassse comment!!!

Lost in space... but not cyberspace

I finally break through my blog block... article topics are popping up everywhere... I have a brand new beaver shot to share (with my husband in the picture!)... I have new information that proves two pseudo-celebrities have not OD'ed nor used up their 15 minutes... Katherine's dying to get my inside scoop on the Bobby Brown tell-all and...... my computer is sick. At least, I'm hoping that's what it means when your monitor won't come on. (and before all you puter geeks weigh in, we did check the monitor, video cable and v. card already). Please know I will continue to post as much as possible without jeopardizing the employment which actually pays me... and hopefully Quinn will let me use her laptop to load the beaver shot... maybe one day even those fun boys over at gheorghe will stop by... in the meantime, everyone out there in Queen Beaches land say an extra little prayer, wish or whatever tonight for my beloved HP. I really miss her. I mean, who wants to turn on the TV, switch to the Weather Channel and then wait nine minutes to find out that it's going to rain all day??? Is that really how we did it once??? Oh, the horror.

ChanelPradaGucciCoach

If you've never experienced New York's Canal Street shopping scene, you've truly missed out on one of the wonders of the commercial world. Shop after shop after shop hocking knock-off designer goods, some obviously cheap imitations, a few (the ones you see in the 'back room') impressive reproductions. Men and women at every storefront approaching you with flyers, enticing you to purchase their wares, all with the same mantra, "chanelpradaguccicoach?" It's downright musical. I wouldn't even venture a guess of how many millions of visitors make the journey downtown to purchase these cheap, albeit illegal goods. Sure, we can rationalize it: it's not hurting anyone. the real designers have more than enough money. it's such a good deal! Well, I'm not here to lecture anyone, or to delve into the deeper issues surrounding designer goods, free market economy, sweatshops etc etc etc. I'm just here to share the following news: the gig, as they say, is up.

Designer Knock-Offs Taken In $25 Milion Raid

Public Service Announcement

We here at QBHQ care deeply for our readers. Our sole purpose in life is to bring a little happiness into your lives, if only for the few brief moments it takes to read our daily insights and witticisms (if we do say so ourselves). With that in mind, I came across a resource that I think might be quite helpful to those of you out there searching for Mr. and/or Mrs. Right. You can thank me later. Just invite me to the wedding.