...and we're auf...

PR finale just began. if there's anybody out there, feel free to join me in the comments. first question: can we virtually bitch slap kenley?

Phew!!!

Did you ever play the tunnel game when you were little? Or play it now with your kids? You know the one-you're traveling- usually on an actual trip- and a tunnel looms in the distance. Everybody starts taking deep cleansing breaths. In and Out. DEEP CLEANSING BREATHS. Then, suddenly, the car/truck/SUV take-yer-pick is actually in the tunnel. And the car is absolutely quiet. No talking, no whispering, no whistling... in fact... NO BREATHING is going on in the entire car.

Everyone is holding their breath, trying to make it the whole way through the tunnel and out the other end without another gasp of oxygen. (I assume the whole concept has something to do with the fact the most tunnels are underwater where human beings can't naturally breathe.) Eyes bulging, fingers scrabbling frantically, unspoken voices pleading with the driver through sign language to go faster! Go faster! (I finally learned not to play this game if actually driving the car since the risk of an oxygen deprived blackout is probably not in your passenger's best interests). And finally! There! The light at the end of the tunnel! Getting closer, closer until..... PHRSCHEW!!! All the breaths are released and life returns to normal.

That's kind of how I feel being almost at the end of my self-imposed blog blackout. You know, the one that started about the same time that Project Runway got really, really boring. I didn't want to talk about it yet knew if I was blogging I would have to and then the entire show would start to REALLY annoy me and PISS me off... but it ends tonight. Big wup. woo-hoo and all that. Now here are some things I'm going to get to ASAP...

the Presidential Race. Barack Obama. Michelle Obama's clothes. This year's mall fashions. The search for a great OBX manicure. Ignorant people. Properly handling hair crises. HSM 3. My Awesome Halloween Costume.... the list goes on and on... c u soon.

**And big thanks to Bravo for making the whole blog vacation possible. But next time can I borrow a few things from the Blue Fly wall?

Tomorrow night is the season finale of Project Runway.

Does anyone give a shit?

If you ask me, they're all losers

I know it's waaaay past the big event, but I made a promise and damn if I'm not going to keep it. I can't let my loyal readers down! So Claiborne, Monika...this one's for you!

Due to my usual Sunday night chaos, I wasn't able to sit down and watch the live broadcast until it was more than half over, and for that I will be eternally grateful. I did sit back down in my cozy chair a couple nights later and try to watch the entire thing again to provide my insight and sjlfdua oia ioauioujioujioureizzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Whoa. Sorry about that. Nodded off for a bit. The sad fact is, these people bore me. Life was so much better before all the stars had stylists and they just showed up as their own crazy selves. You know, when Joan Rivers was bitingly funny and before she had her face pulled so tight you could bounce a quarter on it and got her vapid daughter involved. Ahhh, the good ol days. But now the celebs are all carbon copies of each other, and even the ones who get it wrong aren't doing it to express their quirky sense of style, they're just tacky. Sigh. Snore. Maybe part of my problem is that my reaction to at least half of the people strutting and posing across my screen is, "who the hell is that?" and "who the hell actually STANDS like that?" (see Zellweger, Renee)

I have however, finally sorted through all the pics I could handle, and I'll start posting some thoughts. Like this one:


Hey lookie there! Christina Hendricks brought her Golden Globes to the Emmy's! Looking good Joanie, looking good. Though I don't recall her head looking so tiny on the show...

Next up: bring on the crazy....

I know. I know.

We've been baaaaaad bloggers. Our intentions were good, our hearts in the right place, but as Sister Hazel puts it, "Life got in the way." But we're back dear readers, if there are any of you left out there. And we're coming back strong! (not this post per se, but soon...very soon.)

Sunday night brings the spectacle known as the 60th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards. Now, I've only been aware of this for about 12 hours, so I have absolutely nothing to offer in the way of predictions, insight or pre-game commentary. Not that you care, because let's be honest, we only watch these shows in the hope that someone will show up dressed batshit crazy. (Dear God I hope Bjork is nominated for SOMETHING.) All I know is this: there are 5 hosts and they are all the nominees for Outstanding Reality/Competition Host. Seriously Emmy people? Tom Bergeron? Howie Mendel? Jeff Probst? Ryan f'ing Seacrest for crying out loud?! That's the best they could do? Don't we have to tolerate enough of these tools already? (Not you Heidi, you're fabulous. Just don't forget to look at the teleprompter and you'll be fine, liebchen.) **by the way...thought you'd like to know I just confirmed my German spelling at what is possibly the greatest of all double entendre websites...quickdic.com.

Jamie and I will be tuning in at 8pm/7 central, with our laptops and bitchy, snarky comments at the ready. That, and our deep, deep love for all things Mad Men.


Do be sure to join us in the comments section as we live blog the good, the bad, the ugly, and the sure to be irritatingly long acceptance speeches.

What a Drag!

It's official (because my sister agrees with me)...Wednesday nights cross dressing Project Runway was the greatest runway show in the history of ever. It was auf the hook! (Ha! See what I did there? Suck on that Heidi!) That episode was so freakin' entertaining that I'm actually going to watch it TWICE. Drag Queens! Sequins! RuPaul! Gay pterydactyls! The mere thought of Michael Kors in drag! It's all just too too good. So humor me for one more night whilst I watch it again with unabashed glee, and I'll post some thoughts tomorrow. Or Sunday. Whatever.

In the meantime, Jamie has made the astute observation that we are in serious need of our own drag queen names. So far, I've come up with....nothing. I'm asking for your help people. Best submission wins a free bowl of 'candy'. (and if you watched the episode, you'll get that joke. hee.)

An Olympic Comeback

Sorry I've been out of touch dear readers. I've been suffering from a case of Olympic fever, which I seem to come down with every 2 years (unlike Bullets fever, which happens to me every year). I'm also in the midst of the mid-to-late-August Outer Banks Business Owners blues, aka when all the summer help returns to college and I actually have to WORK again. So it's about all I can do to keep myself awake at night long enough to marvel at the Olympic porn, much less get on my painfully slow computer and post a blog. And by Olympic porn, of course I mean the awe inspiring abdominals and biceps of the swimmers, divers, water polo players and gymnasts. Holy hell. I don't know if the USOC has cut back on the amount of fabric used in their uniforms as a result of budget cuts, or maybe they're going green & trying to 'conserve', but I think I speak on behalf of most viewers when I say, thank you thank you thank you! And though they have been relatively equitable with the eye candy for both male and female viewers, I must ask why the female volleyball players are practically naked while the men romp around in baggy tanks and shorts. Compared to the see-through dental floss the women are prancing around in, the men are practically wearing burkas! Something's amiss. Shouldn't men's Olympic volleyball be more reminiscent of, oh i don't know.... THIS??


(Do you think they have the net at about 4'9" so Tom Cruise can actually reach it?)

Some other Olympic observations:
Bob Costas is a tool.

Exactly how many boxing matches ARE there? Every time I turn on CSNBCUSAXYZPDQ it's all boxing all the time. Although I do love me some Teddy Atlas and have found him to be the only interesting thing worth watching on that channel.

Tim Daggett wears more make up than Elfie Shlagel or whatever her name is.

Tiki Barber should not, I repeat NOT be allowed to commentate, pontificate, facilitate or do anything else involving a microphone and broadcasting. Tiki. Honey. You were tolerable (mildly) on the Today show, grating on Project Runway, and downright painful to watch during the 30 seconds of your Olympic coverage I was able to stomach.

Greatest Olympic name: Dong Dong, the Chinese trampoline 'athlete'. Go ahead, try to say it without giggling.

Hey, you think the Jamaican runners are using some kind of "performance enhacing substance"? Just wondering....

Finally, and on a completely different topic -
I have not watched the last 3 episodes of PR (I hear ya, Clai - they bore me too) so I really can't comment on what's going on with the show this season. But I thought you all might enjoy seeing how I'm doing in the fantasy league...

team_hotpants' Project Runway
-8 Points, this week.
-7 Points, total this season.
4366th On this week's leaderboard
4089th On the overall leaderboard

Jamie, that should make you feel a little better.