Confessions of This Shopaholic

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. I went shopping up to the big ole V(of)A today. (The Outer Banks is great but guess what- NO Targay, H & M, Banana, BB&B, Steinfart, J.Crew or DSW.) So every few months good friend Janet and I hit the road for a day of shop ‘til you drop. Today was one of those days. It was more of a ‘get stuff for the home’ mission, but we checked out some fashions here and there and for the most part walked away disappointed and clutching only a t-shirt or two from Old Navy. Then we hit the Maxx… duh-duh-duh-duh and repeat… TJ Maxx. Now, I’d pretty much given up on this place. It used to be my priority Numero Uno and I would hit it before anywhere else; I learned PDQ you really were going to need one of those baby shopping carts so grab one on the way in. When traveling, I would hit the closest store whether it was near my Mom’s in PA or in Hilton Head . After awhile I realized not all TJM are created equal. The quality of the store depends on its location. Hence, the store in a tony area is more likely to boast Michael Kors bags, a Runway section and multiple Mercedes in the parking lot while one five miles away in a going downhill fast suburban mall area hasn’t been cleaned in three months, features looks you could find at your local GCF and 10 year old Camry‘s out front. Guess which type was closer to my normal haunts. But a few weeks ago I wandered into one of the good ones and found the red bag I’d spent the better part of three years searching for (ask Janet). Found a cool pair of Tommy flips. Saw a few things I would’ve tried on but there wasn’t time as we had tickets to the LIMITED ONE WEEK ENGAGEMENT 3-D Best of Both Worlds Tour Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus movie (of course, this was the SECOND week of the now unlimited run, nice work Disney). So today I threw it out as a potential hit to Janet, she’s up for it, we target one in Va Beach that might be a good one (it was) and head on over. Incidentally, this one is a Home Goods, too, which is a whole other store in itself. Find the lampshade I’m looking for and a basket; look over the shoes, hit the clothes… nothing. So I head over to the Intimates corner to look for some new PJ’s (unfortunately, the adorable Hello Kitty 3-piece set doesn‘t come in non-junior sizes). Janet meets me there and we find the ONE critical item our closets have been missing all these years- a BIG, PADDED BUTT. I’m so not kidding. Picture a pair of Spanx or other shape wear type of panties. A little high rise, thick, stretchy fabric, turn them around… it’s A BUTT!!! Think the same type of serious, molded padding that a heavy-duty DDD bra employs, make it look like two nicely lifted cheeks and you have it! A big…. padded…butt. Now, I don’t know what the article of clothing could do for a nice pair of jeans… or for your life, for that matter. But, Father, I want one. There, I said it.