Breaking News....

THIS JUST IN... Sex and the City...the Movie!! Who knew?? That's right - the QB's can exclusively report - in what has been Hollywood's best kept secret - the beloved TV series will be turned into a full length feature film, and all the original stars have....what? Wait a minute... What's that? They've already made the movie? Well why didn't they PROMOTE the damn thing? So apparently tonight's the big premiere - not that anyone would know, what with the non-existent press and media coverage. Seeing how the QB's have our finger on the pulse of, well...everything, you know we'll be there.

7:10 tonight - RC Theaters in KDH. I'll be in my fabulous fur chapeau and Jamie is busting out the beaver (hat!). Or sweatpants. Could go either way. I'm feeling bloated. Anyhoodle...if the movie sucks, (and quite frankly if you couldn't tell I'm already kind of sick of it) it's only a couple of hours to make it through until martini-time. Even if you can't make it to the movie, be sure to meet us at Meridian 42 after the flick for a QBtini. Should be there around 9:45ish. We'll see you beaches later!

I'm so sorry

Sorry readers, the Premiere entry was not supposed to have been posted yet. You'll just have to wait to find out whether or not those are rodent skins on our heads...

So You Think You Can Dance....

But can you do this:




I love this kid.

The Kids Are(n't) Alright

A message to Sid & the Kids...
boys, I'm sorry if the Queen Beaches have been causing a bit of a distraction for you lately. However, I just wanted to be sure and let you know there is this thing going on at the Joe Louis Arena in Michigan called the Stanley Cup finals... and the Detroit Red Wings are there... quite a lot of their fans and a few of yours, too... plus millions more watching Versus at home and it would be really, really nice IF YOU GUYS WOULD SHOW UP!!!!!!

Happy Memorial Day

On this national day of remembrance, I think it's only appropriate we take a moment to step away from the burgers and dogs, put down the Budweiser can, and with due reverance, honor those who have served our country. Anyone who knows me knows I am not typically one to wrap myself in the flag, or be prone to overt displays of patriotism. In fact, on more than one occasion I have been called something along the lines of a 'damn hippie liberal' and I'm 100% cool with that label. My father-in-law proudly fought in the war, my dad was a Marine, I have brothers-in-law and a stepdad who served - I've been around distinguished and honorable military men and women my whole life. I have the utmost respect for our military and am in awe of the sacrifice they are willing to make on our behalf for too little respect, pay, benefits, and services when they come home. But that's a different blog. This is a shallow, politics-free blog.

So anyhoodle, from the comfort of my couch last night I watched the National Symphony Orchestra's annual Memorial Day Concert on PBS. I enjoy tuning in every year, not so much for the typically bizarre collection of perfomers -- ok I admit as I girl I had a wicked crush on Bo Duke, but seriously - John Schneider? Gladys Knight & Idina Menzel: total pros, and Sarah Brightman was incredible. No, my favorite part is when each branch of the military is honored with the playing of their songs. I get chills when they show the crowd, particularly the old-timers who, if they can, still stand at attention, and the active members in their uniforms, and the wounded veterans, and the families -- all proudly saluting, many overwhelmed with emotion. It's incredibly moving, even for a cynic like me. Well. Then they introduced Rodney Atkins (who?? i know. country music star. whatever.) to sing America the Beautiful. And for his appearance on a national stage, to honor America, in front of dignitaries, politicians, and millions of Americans, THIS is what he chose to wear:
(well, basically the same outfit, just a different t-shirt. I couldn't find a picture.) Seriously dude? This is the best you could come up with? If you need some help figuring out what to wear, tell your stylist to call me. Or call the Marines.

I've got a Golden Ticket

Okay, so we're pretty much going to be beating this like a dead horse for the next few days- BUY YOUR SEX & THE CITY TICKET NOW!!! The official Queen Beaches viewing is Friday, May 30, the 7:10 show. Martinis and post-movie discussion to be held at Meridian 42. Possible unveiling of the new Queen Beaches signature cocktail. If you haven't bought your ticket yet... WHAT THE ----- ARE YOU WAITING FOR?

No, really, I'm FINE

So the McCain Camp released over 1,100 pages of health reports and histories this week all towards the goal of convincing everyone that despite his age and the natural thoughts of mortality that come along with that he is in fine shape to take control of the country.

ELEVEN hundred pages???

Me think thou dost protest too much.

You're Either In...Or You're Out

Alright beaches....bust out your calendars, crack open the blackberries, make a playdate for your husbands and call the babysitter -- here's the gameplan for Sex and the City meets Sex on the Beach.

When: Friday, May 30 at 7:10 pm
Where: I'm pretty sure you know where, since there's ONE movie theater.
How: Go here to purchase your tickets in advance
Then what?? Meet us at Meridian 42 Restaurant immediately following the film to live blog your thoughts, reviews and smart-ass comments (oh wait, that's me).

Apparently I'm going to have to show SJP how you wear a feathered hat. ** sigh ** I've got to teach that girl everything!

Therapy RULES!

A really good therapy session can leave you exhausted, drained, emotional, a little unsure of things said, done and felt, but ultimately relaxed, happy and ready to go deeper. Throw in some fabulous new purchases and a pair of Alice Cooper's pants and well...you've got my Tuesday night.

Perhaps I should explain...

Retail Therapy was, as we like to say, the shizzle. Even with the drizzle. (Okay so mabye it was more like torrential downpours, but it's amazing how you don't pay attention to that while cruising down the road in a fat (or is that phat?) limo. "Wow the sky is SCARY black. Is that a twister? Pass the Korbel! Woo Hoo!!") Big shout out to Eddie & Ben from Outer Banks Limo, and Limo Mike from High Life limo in Virginia for the sweet rides. We started with yummy apps from Meridian 42 at Diva's Day Spa & Savvy Home, where I was somehow able to convince myself I HAD to have that fuzzy rocker I've had my eye on for a year now. Got myself a great new nightgown & some yummy body powder at Luxury, a cute bag and fun treats at Plum Crazy (have to go back and get some butterflies), watched everyone buy the dresses I was going to get at ally&maddy (damn you Steph!) and then topped off the evening with an incredible dinner at Coastal Provisions Market. Scott, Dan, Nina & crew outdid themselves with great food, great wine, & great service. Our fabulous sponsors from the Hawkins Team (Whit - my hangover and I thank you for the champagne) and Diamonds and Dunes (Eileen - I would post our quote of the night but I'm not sure I can) were on hand for the hi-jinks.

It was a terrific opportunity to make some new friends, spend time with old friends and raise money for a good cause. A great time was had by all and I'm so appreciative for all the hard work that Stephanie, Keely, Brandy, Kat & Megan put into making it such a fantastic night! As soon as someone is kind enough to send me some pictures I'll be sure to post them. (Note to Steph, Whit & Jeanel -- my photoshop skills are good enough now that I can add the 'Glamour Don't' black bar, so don't worry, I've got you covered.)

Oh yeah, so you're probably wondering about the pants. In our determination to make the evening as charitable as possible, we sauntered on down to the Brew Station for the shin-dig they were hosting to raise money for a local family dealing with cancer. It was a lot of fun -- raised thousands for a very worthwhile cause, and great local bands were rockin' the house. Well, we thought we'd head up to the silent auction "just to check it out" and wouldn't you know there were a pair of pants autographed by the one and only Alice Cooper. With the current bid at what I thought was a BARGAIN, and a healthy glow from a few too many cham-pipples, I put pen to paper and raised that bid! "Hey! It's for charity! So you're broke (I said to myself), but surely someone will outbid you". That was a great plan until I turned around and the "auctioneer" informed the group that bidding was now, in fact, over. And I had a new pair of pants.


Um, no. Not those pants. But if anyone needs a father's day, birthday, or any-occasion gift for the Alice Cooper lover in your life, call me. I can get you a great deal.

Blogworthy news

A few things I heard on NPR last week that brought out the Word Police in me-

1- in a story about I can't remember what, maybe illegal immigrant deportation, they were talking about a woman with a 'fairly minor drug conviction'. Huh? I turned to dictionary.com:

fairly: moderately, tolerably; as in a fairly heavy rain
minor: not serious, important, etc.
drug: a habit forming medicinal or illicit substance esp., a narcotic
(subset: illicit: not legally permitted or authorized)
conviction: the state of being convicted
(sub: convicted: to find or prove (someone) guilty of an offense or crime especially by the verdict of a court).

Okay, just so I'm clear here, we're talking about someone who was found 'guilty by a court of law' of a charge involving 'tolerable, not serious illicit substances'.
Isn't this like saying somebody is kind-of pregnant?

2- in a story about the Oklahoma tornadoes (a true tragedy) I swear to god I hear these words during an interview with an eyewitness who was standing outside his business- a 'bridal salon/feed lot'. No, I didn't mistake the first word for bridle because they went on to say that some of his wedding dresses were found 60 miles away.

and from Yahoo! News (I love this one)-

Sid and The Kids go to Stanley Cup Finals
(aren't you impressed? I waited a whole three days before even remotely gloating about my Penguins incredible 6-0 trouncing of Philadelphia!)

Note to Quinn: are you feeling incredibly relaxed and invigorated after your night of therapy? Or...... not?

Please Pass the Tissues...

Ever since Quinn posted her all time favorite Bunny list of hook-up songs, I've been preparing a response. After much thought, I've decided to break my lists down by eras, because really, as life changes doesn't one's auditory sensory needs change as well? So here is my first list...

MOST PLAYED BREAK-UP SONGS BY ME 1980-1984

1. Without a doubt, Hello/Lionel Richie. Doesn't really qualify as a 'break-up' song but when my high school bf went off to boot camp it was all I played for the three months he was in Texas. After which, he came home, I went to college and we broke up. Several times.

2. Open Arms/Journey. Probably worked for any number of lesser class beaux.

3. Heartache Tonight/Eagles. Any time I walked into a dance from seventh grade to twelfth and they played this song within the first thirty minutes.. well... look at the title, people.

4. Just back from his Phillipines 'From Rex, With Love' tour where apparently he is hot, hot, hot! Ladies and gentlemen, REX SMITH!!!!! You know, REX SMITH!!!! Okay, let's try this again... a 'multi-talented performer whose natural singing ability has led him to a successful career' (that's from his website), star of the hit 1979 TV movie Sooner or Later (and played Danny in Broadway's Grease), singer of the platinum hit- You Take My Breath Away. NOT the one by Berlin OR Queen OR Merill Osmond. R-E-X S-M-I-T-H. Just click here please http://www.rexsmith.com/

Okay, before #5, I must add a disclaimer because only faithful reader Jojoagogo will understand otherwise. Southern York County, Pennsylvania, is rather rural. When I was in high school I could look out my Biology II window and watch the Ag boys tuning up their tractors... which they drove to school. I dated farmer boys, farm workers, farmer wannabe's, and plenty of other plaid shirt wearing, red-blooded american car driving healthy young males who knew how to sling a bale of hay and drive a pick-up truck to a field kegger. Which is why I had a hard time choosing this last song from among several possibilities in the Alabama discography...

5. Lady Down on Love, Alabama. Listen to these lyrics...
'Her mind drifts back in time to a mid-summer moon, when he asked her to marry and she gladly said ok. And a woman came to be from the girl of yesterday.'

So granted this is also attached to the fuure-army reservist who was the love of my life senior year, and maybe Randy Owen isn't as hot as I thought he was the THREE times I saw them in concert... but you know what, if it weren't for this blog, I never would've been running through the Alabama hit list, wandering down Memory Lane and thinking 'Shit, y'all, I need to get me a copy of Ultimate Alabama!'
(Pleeeeze don't tell my husband!)

High School Beaches

Jamie: Zac! What are you DOING here!?

Zac: Well, you know, I'm a big fan of the Queen Beaches and when I heard you would be making an appearance at the Duck Woods High School Musical family dance, I told my publicist- screw the Narnia premiere, I'm goin' to North Carolina!

J: Oh, you sweet, sweet thing. And you left Gabriella at home?

Z: Well, you know, Vanessa's not really my girlfriend. And we are NOT dating. And I was appalled by those 'private' pictures.

J: NOT dating? Really? No wonder, poor dear, she is WAY too young for you.

Z: What do you mean? She's only a year younger than me. She was born in '88.

J: Exactly what I mean, hon. See, I was graduating COLLEGE in '88... so you do the math and tell me who can teach you more of life's lessons, share a wealth of knowledge and pass on many, many more experiences...

Z: Oh, I think I see what you're getting at...

J: Do you, hon? Because I can be a bit more direct.

Z: No, no... I definitely fee... I mean, see what you're getting at. Why don't you give me a sip of that martini and we'll go somewhere quiet?

J: Sorry, hon. One thing the Queen Beaches know is the legal drinking age and you won't hit that until October. However, we happen to know for a fact that you're perfectly legal for, shall we say, other vices. Hey, look! Paparazzi! Smile!

Z: Okey dokey, but what do their credentials say? The Daily Beaver? Never heard of 'em...

J: Like I said, lots to learn, baby, lots to learn....

(Photo: Claiborne Y., The Daily Beaver)

Sit on it, Ralph!

Quick note after a one night trip to Williamsburg where I discovered something VERY important at Busch Gardens that I must pass on immediately. My 9 year old loves seeing the shows- anything will do- so we went to the one in Ireland that takes place in a 'castle' with one of those wierd automated puppet leprechauns and some real chick he was giving wishes to. So one of her wishes in this bizarre little drama is to become a leprechaun herself. Poof! Wish granted- lots of smoke, she disappears and lo and behold her twin emerges dressed, naturally, all in green. Top hat, knee length knickers, cropped waistcoat, you get the picture. She looks down, looks out at the crowd and says, I swear to god, 'I look fierce!'. A bit later, she's looking around the disheveled 'castle' and proclaims it a 'hot mess'.

Queen Beach readers, I am here to tell you that Christian Siriano, winner of Project Runway 4, has officially....JUMPED THE SHARK.

PS (I must confess that after a good long look at the green leprechaun outfit she also said she would 'make it work' but since I'm still hoping Tim Gunn is going to show up at my door one of these days, I'm not going to diss him. He's my #1 gal pal!)

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

While strolling through G:TB the other day, I was tickled pink to discover we share a mutual love of the Old 97's. Of course, they then proceeded to smack me around with their far superior lyrical knowledge. In an attempt to divert attention from the fact that I was way out of my league, I somehow was able to deftly switch the conversation to the topic of "hook up" tapes. After a lovely little saunter down memory lane, I came up with the brilliant idea of the top 5 hook up songs and/or lyrics of all time. This is by no means a definitive list and I know there are many MANY others out there and I'd love to hear them all. This is just my humble opinion, based on personal taste, fond memories, and how effective it may have been on yours truly. Let me also share two other important facts: A) most of these songs come from my own "bunny mix" aka "the rabbit" mix. Bonus points to anyone who gets that reference. B) Anything performed by Eddie Vedder automatically closes the deal.

[I apologize in advance for the crappy youtube links. I don't have a lot of time to go searching for better quality examples. Don't watch. Just listen. Unless otherwise instructed.]

Without further ado...

5. Movin' In, England Dan & John Ford Coley
Coming out of the gate strong with this one. Greatest booty-call song of all time. I've embedded the video because this one is actually worth watching, particularly for the groovy suits, hair-do's and the guy in the back on the keyboards who I THINK is wearing silver sequined overalls. Full disclosure: Up until a few years ago, I seriously thought the lyric was "I'm not talkin' bout the linens...". Not talkin' bout movin' in makes SO much more sense.

4. Come Around, Sister Hazel
Makes the list for the following lyric:

Sky fell down and pulled us in
Stole away my oxygen
And left me standin' breathless there with you
The ocean wrapped around the sun
The smell of June - the taste of your tongue
Was all I'd ever need

Indeed.

3. Afternoon Delight, Starland Vocal Band
Like Chanel. A classic. Suits any occasion, and only gets better with age. (pretty good vid clip too)

2. Baby Did a Bad Bad Thing, Chris Isaak
Okay this one started as an honorable mention. Then I watched the video and holy hell he got bumped right up to #2. It takes a special, special man to look hot in a beater tank and tight purple pants, and that my friends, is why Chris Isaak is on every list I have.

1. Let's Get It On, Marvin Gaye
Just perfect in every way. And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go have a cigarette.

I'm baaaaaaaaack!!

Sorry for having gone AWOL for a little while there -- covert ops, can't really tell you about it or I'd have to kill you -- that kind of thing. I could give you lots of legit excuses for my absence, but I'm guessing you don't really give a shit. I've been thinking about you though. Many, many things to catch up on. A blog back-log if you will:

1) JMe - Oh you're on, beeeeyatch! Bring it!! I'll whip that ass into shape Jillian style. QB bikini boot camp is now in session. We'll set up a schedule and you better be ready to WORK. You can pay me in chocolate. Or martini's, whichever. (We'll post the schedule in case anyone wants to join in on the 'fun', heh heh...)

2) SATC party. I'm in. Game on. Got the perfect chapeau already, just need to dust off the stiletto's. (Sorry Dr. Craig, but sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do. It's an outfit!!) And I propose we officially adopt "sex on the beach" (get it? get it?) as our signature cocktail. Any objections?

3) Retail Therapy. I've been hearing a lot of "i'm seriously thinking about it...." No more thinking ladies, time to get off the proverbial pot. It's guaranteed to be a FABulous time. All the money goes to the ally&maddy retail therapy fund -- a charity we started to encourage entrepreneurship, financial independence & self esteem for young women on the Outer Banks. (QB's in training, if you will.) How many times do you have the opportunity to be chauffered in a limo with your favorite girlfriends, free champagne flowing, exclusive deals & steals @ your favorite stores (I hear the party at ally&maddy is going to be GROOVY man!), a killer SWAG bag, AND a gourmet wine tasting dinner, all in the name of charity?? You've all had a busy spring, a busy summer is just around the corner....treat yourselves to a night out just for you!! I'll even throw out an offer to sweeten the pot - if we can get 5-6 more ladies to pony up, I will spring for magnetic signs for the limo -- so that way you can cruise the OBX in your tricked out Expedition limo adorned with the message "Beaches on Board!" (Check out http://www.retailtherapyobx.com/ or call me at 261.4005.)

4) I'll be back later with some musical thoughts for a Friday afternoon. Carry on, beaches. Carry on.

Nothing like a little competition, I always say. And after watching approximately 100+ innings of softball and baseball and 12+ hockey playoff games so far this Spring, I'm feeling a wee bit emulous myself. I also haven't heard anything from Quinn's kidnappers which leads me to believe there ARE no kidnappers which means she's got herself dug in deep somewhere. Thus, I am going to attempt to lure her out with a Queen Beach Ultimate Fat Fighting Smackdown.

Katherine, we all know about your fitness background, the physical trainer thing, etc., etc. Girl, it's time to put yo money where yo mouth is. I am offering MYSELF up as your sacrificial lamb giving you ONE month to get me into any type of bathing suit shape that's even REMOTELY better than what I'm looking at in the mirror right now. We both have access to the gym, I'm willing to try and follow any routine you map out for me and if you can impart even 1/10 of your self-control to me it will be more than I've ever had in my life. Please be my Jackie Warner. (Plus, I give you good press in the summer North Beach Sun!)

June 16, baybee. Do you have what it takes to make me the next Biggest Loser?

(Readers: don't worry, if this doesn't resurrect her I'm pretty sure chocolate always works.)

Disclaimer: The photo accompanying this entry is a completely photoshopped image used in an hysterically funny email traveling the internet under the heading 'Why NFL Quarterbacks Need To Keep Their Names Short'. This image, NOT OF A REAL PERSON, in no way should be interpreted as any type of discriminatory statement made by the managers of this blog and, in fact, was selected as being the most accurate depiction of the fat butt of one Queen Beach who is, indeed, a Steeler fan (read: not Katherine). Ergo, please hold all the PC comments. Tx.

Yep, I'm still up.

CALL ME TWITCH-MAEL

Well, well, well.... here I am... 12:15am. Can't sleep. Couldn't possibly be the 30 ounces of caffeine laden lattes I had today. I'm normally a strictly decaf girl but May has been so crazy that today I let down my guard and figured what the hey-hey. I was already suffering from a bout of adult onset ADHD (translation: I go bouncing around the store starting one project after another without actually finishing any of them) and since a cup of hi-test usually brings said symptoms on, I naively thought that perhaps it would work in reverse as well.

Not so. Thus, here I sit. Wondering when the kidnappers are going to call demanding a ransom for Ms. Quinn who has been MIA from the Queen Beaches blog now for almost a week (with the exception of her know-it-all little comment about Cynthia Nixon's premiere dress. Do ya always have to be right?). I'm really hoping they don't want my seashells, but if a couple of clams can win KQ's freedom, then so be it.

So here's an AWESOME idea for another Queen Beach event courtesy of friend Elizabeth regarding the upcoming Sex & The City movie (which I am starting to titillate about). It's a Friday night... May 30... 7:10... who's up for it? If you let us know you're in, we can go ahead and start buying tickets which are ALREADY AVAILABLE people! Or, buy your own and meet us there- we'll be the ones in the middle of the front row doing our best imitations of SJP in the early SITC days. You know, everything looks really wrinkled and put-together-in-a-dark-closet but comes off as incredibly chic. (Never worked for me before, but hey, there's a first time for everything.)

Here's the best part... it's a 2 hour and 25 minute show... which means it will let out at 9:35pm leaving PLENTY of time for- you guessed it- MARTINIS somewhere FABulous where we can hold a full-frontal Queen Beach Forum (which we will live blog!) discussing all things related to (or not) this long awaited feature film.

And now to sleep- perchance to dream! (of Birkins, Manolos and Choos, oh my!)

In or Out?

Leave us a comment!

5/30/08. 7:10pm. 27948.

Be there or be so not worthy.

Good Old Garden Variety Sex

Yes, yes, we here at Queen Beaches are very excited about the upcoming Sex in the City movie. Things have just been so busy here what with beavers and mermaids (hmmm, sounds like a Narnia movie) that we have neglected to mention it.

However, after seeing these pictures from the London premiere of the movie (which debuted on that side of the ocean almost three weeks before coming out here)... I have just one thing to say:

If Cynthia Nixon isn't wearing a Laura Bennett design (PR #3) I'll eat SJP's hat.

Happy Mother's Day

A few months back, after one of my mini-rants about the RHW of OC, Monika left us a comment suggesting that perhaps we should investigate the possibility of a Real Housewives of the OBX. Well, I've given much consideration to that idea and, in fact, contacted a certain Reality TV based network about the proposal. After outlining the basic premise to them, I received their quick reply: No. Fortunately, they included their reasons:

1- In order to keep up with an OBX Real Housewife, camera crews would be required to work more than the 3 hours a day required for other similar shows.

2- In fact, overtime would be necessary since OBX RHW are on the go non-stop from 6am (or earlier) to 11 pm (or later) and even the Reality TV Camerapersons Union won't approve that many extra hours. I believe their exact words were ' it is inhumane and exhausting to demand that type of performance from anyone'. Apparently they've never met the superhuman wundergirl known as Outer Banks Woman.

3- the Union representing the drivers for said camera crews has expressed concern that even their best drivers would be unable to keep up with an OBX RHW darting and dodging tourist traffic on the bypass as she gets child A to piano, child B to soccer, pops in to HT, transfers child B and friend to OTM practice, takes child A home to change for softball, retrieves dry cleaning, swings by the bank, grabs a bottle of much needed wine from Chips, retrieves child B ..... you get the picture.

4- There is fear that amidst all the realness of the lives of OBX Real Housewives, there is little time for the petty arguments, constant gossip and insignificant drama which are deemed such an 'important' part of the other shows. In response to this, I quote Eleanor Roosevelt: Great minds discuss ideas. Average minds discuss events. Little minds discuss people.

In short, a 'real housewife' of the OBX i.e. children's rights advocate/household engineer/car service driver/laundress/personal chef/tutor/domestic goddess/gardener/committee volunteer (many trying to eke out an income from an actual paying job at the same time) are apparently too real for reality TV. Like that's a bad thing? Maybe Katherine and I will dust off the camcorders and produce it ourselves! Stay posted for an audition schedule... first requirement: you must be a QB devotee.

Happy Mother's Day to all the Queen Beaches out there!
You're FABulous..... and Happy 39th forever Birthday to Whitney 'Jaclyn' Harrison!
J.

Playing with the Google Gods.... again

Okay, running the risk that I might really anger the Google Gods or something, I'm going out on a limb here and, just in case my Pens have some downtime soon with nothing better to do than google themselves, am trying to get the Queen Beaches on their radar. (This being the 2008 technological equivalent of throwing underwear at David Cassidy, I'm sure.)

So here goes..... Sidney Crosby, Sidney Crosby, Sid the Kid Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Evgeni Malkin, Evgeni 'Gino' Malkin, Ryan Malone, Ryan Malone, Ryan Malone, Marc Andre Fleury, Marc Andre Fleury, Marc Andre 'the Flower' Fleury, Marian Hossa, Marian Hossa, Hossa!, Jordan Staal, not his brothers, Jordan Staal, Georges Laraque, Georges Laraque, Georges 'the Rock' Laraque, Go-o-o-o-nchar, Gary Roberts, Adam Hall, Maxime Talbot, Brooks Orpik, Kris Letang, Ryan Whitney, Petr Sakora, RUUUUUUTTTTUUUU!!!, Scuderi, Kennedy, Dupuis, Eaton, Gill, Penguins, Penguins, PENGUINS!!!!!!!!!

(Hey, don't knock it; remember when I did Jamie Layton, Jamie Layton, Jamie Layton? It worked.)

Go Big.... or Go Home

[Attn: QB readers. We've replaced your usual blogging with something new. Since apparently it's impossible for us to be in the same room at the same time ala Batman & Bruce Wayne (or Diana Prince/Wonder Woman), we are attempting to co-blog from separate locales. Jamie has taken the lead and I will be chiming in with my smart ass comments. Sort of like she's the sweet ice cream in the sundae and I'm the creamy whipped topping. Or the nuts, depending on who you ask. Let's see what happens...]

So Wednesday night was the second annual Wine & Cleave Party. Now for those of you not in the know, this is an awesome pay-to-play party thrown by four hostesses with the mostests, Avery-Claiborne-Jennifer-Robin. [and their 8 very impressive breasts.] There's great food, lots of wine served by the one and only Shane of Blue Point fame [he of the light-hearted wit and heavy-handed pour] & some pretty kinky decorations. (Read to the end.) Cool women pay to attend with all proceeds going towards Breast Cancer research- now do you get it? Cleave- as in cleavage as in tatas, boobies, the twins, melons, etc. (Many of Jamie's close friends will be SHOCKED she is using those terms as she is an avowed hater of all names used to describe these features of the female anatomy [yet she has no problem flaunting her beaver all over the internet]. Have you ever heard anyone say 'I titty fed all my children?' [only at NASCAR races. Zing!] NO. Because they are BREASTS [And they are spectacular. All of them.]. But in the spirit of Wine & Cleave, she is giving herself a one-time personal exception to that rule.)

So the Queen Beaches put it all out there.

and......

Believe it or not, Farrah/Jamie even had papparrazzi due to the mistaken notion she was a Disney princess (Ariel). Yeah, right, R-rated Disney maybe. [Coming soon to a theater near you: The Little Mermaid III: Under the Sea, Under the Influence and Onto the Pole.] And Katherine/Sabrina's 'I like it Dirty' martini bikini garnered some rather randy suggestions. We have to say there were some fabulous examples of decolletege on display (yo, Tami!) and once again, we are proud to be part of the ranks who call themselves Outer Banks Women. Now male queen beaches readers are probably saying, yeah, but if it was all women and no men why weren't they just wearing jeans and tee's? Oh, much as the QB's hate to burst your bubble, boys [bullshit. we LOVE to burst your bubbles], women do NOT dress for men. Especially once attached. No, we dress for other women. It's true! [Really it's all panties and pillowfights, but you don't get to see those pictures.]

[Evidently Jamie's superpowers include levitation. And I'm now 6'2"]

Now, regarding the naked Ken barbie dolls with black glitter g-strings [don't forget the wire rimmed glasses, a very classy touch. Very college professor by day, chippendales dancer by night.] who were doing unmentionable things to each other all over Claiborne's house... kudos to Renee Landry for these inventive yet disturbing accessories. [Either way, bravo! I love it when a decoration is both aesthetically pleasing AND informative.]

We did learn an important party tip: just because there are baskets of squirt guns lying around does not mean all party guests are into playing Charlie's Angels. I do however want to know where the hostesses bought them because their range was amazing. Don't you just love the way they came in SO handy when we- amazingly enough- found predators lurking in Claiborne's pantry?Always ready, my friends. The QB's are all ways ready.

[KQ would like to offer a reward to anyone who can find her ass. It seems to have disappeared...like her boobs.] Katherine- take some of mine, please! JL

In true Queen Beach fashion, we were fashionably late, overstayed our welcome, drank more than the minimum, probably said a few things too many but luckily for us we can't remember. [Side effect of the chardonitits.] One day we'll be like Paris & Nikki and get paid to attend these things. So, where's the next party? We need to order our tiaras. And remember, beaches, what happens at Wine & Cleave doesn't always stay at Wine & Cleave.

Good night Charlie,

Farrah & Sabrina.

Big Flub

Whilst getting my hairs cut yesterday I was leafing through a recent issue of Allure when I saw this picture of the one and only Chloe Sevigny. Imagine my surprise when I discovered she herself designed this springy ensemble for her new Opening Ceremony collection. I was even more alarmed when I read what she had to say about it which was something like 'I think this is just perfect for going on a stroll down the street'.

Carnation Street, maybe? Wisteria Lane? My-Great-Aunts-Chintz-Armchair Way? Or is she designing with her 'sisters', those poor FLDS women in mind?

I join the awesome professionals over at GFY and Sesame Street when I state for the record that these two things are definitely NOT like the other: Chloe Sevigny. Fashion Icon.

Who's with me?

The morning after

Breasts. Boobs. Ta-tas. Knockers. Jugs. Melons. Skeeter bites (that one was for me). Call 'em what you want, but they were out in full force last night at the Second Annual Wine & Cleave party. BIG shout out to Avery, Claiborne, Robyn & Jennifer for a fantastic party and for such a great cause. I would LOVE to share some photos with you, but my partner in crime Ariel (just wait...you'll see) was in charge of the camera, and claims to have come down with a wicked case of chardonitits (that she attributes to Shane the world's luckiest bartender) and as such can't haul her mermaid tail out of bed. I have threatened to post the one smoky cell-phone photo I snapped if she doesn't come up with the goods by midnight, so stay tuned for further updates. That throwdown was such a good time we've decided we need to co-blog it. But that just wasn't gonna happen today. So tomorrow morning, over strong coffee, we'll be recapping the events as best as we can recall them. And we'll have pictures....

All is Vanity

In a month rife with 'special days'- Mother's Day, Memorial Day, May Day, Hawaiian Lei Day (which was May 1, so damn, there goes my chance to get, well, you know), Armed Forces Day, National Dance Like a Chicken Day (I swear), etc ... I've decided to go out on a limb here and declare the first official Queen Beach sanctified holiday... guess what, QB readers, today is... National Google Yourself Day!!!

Now, I shamefacedly and apologetically admit that I have been the first to accuse not one but several people of having had this habit. I apologize because their unexpected results have give me much pleasure. First there was the author (Hi Lesley!) who found her name (and book) on the website of Duck's Cottage in a list of upcoming selections for our reading group. She got in touch and was able to join us by phone for the discussion of her terrific novel, Whistling in the Dark. Then there was the old classmate who found his name within this blog. I don't know who will surface out of cyberspace next but the anticipation and suspense is delicious.

So finally I sat down and (gulp) did it myself... googled myself. Luckily I don't share a name with anyone more famous than I so was tickled when me, myself and I popped up on the first, second and even third page of search results. (My husband is not so fortunate as he has a namesake who is a renowned drummer consuming the first 20 pages or so of results that we looked at.)

Today we give you permission to shake off that mantle of shame (most likely a hold-over from a childhood filled with remarks like 'who do you think you are mister?' and 'what makes you think you're so special?'). Go ahead, let vanity RULE the day and the keyboard.... and if there are any other potential sponsors out there for NGYD, say the Society for Identity Theft Prevention or the Narcissus Association, we welcome your financial participation.

Note: One expected entry which did not show up anywhere in my results was, incredulously, this blog. So in order to rectify that... Jamie Layton, Jamie Layton, Jamie Layton. There.

So much to say...

Okay - lots going on and I've found little time to post lo the many things I have to share. (Full disclosure - most of these have come from Tara and bless her little heart for trolling the internet for such amazing little gems.) So as time permits over the next few days I'll be offering numerous enlightening and entertaining tidbits, including digging up old acquaintances that I can shove into Jamie's virtual face as I continue to kick her ass in the "friends and family name dropping tour '08." Ivan, I'm claiming you and your soon to be epic performance in "Play On."

But a couple of Tuesday morning quickies to get you started:
You MUST check out our second favorite blog, Gheorghe:The Blog and their latest topic. The picture alone is priceless, and I must admit, not a bad idea. I mean, not that I would EVER condone such behavior, but as a parenting technique I'm sure I've done worse. Plus the kid seems doesn't seem to mind. I think all of us should start posting in their comments - get a little cross-blog pollination happening. You know, like back in camp: the girls of cabin B challenge the boys of cabin X to a blog off after the campfire tonight! Whoop Whoop! Ok Gheorge boys, BRING IT!

Tara also offered the following observation and insight in an email last week:

Is Dwayne Wade seriously dating Star Jones?

...has all of that
losing made him jump on the crazy train? Or is he just trying to make sure
people don't forget about him in this exciting NBA post-season?

An excellent question dear friend. I don't have the answer, and the mere thought of the two of them together makes me shudder. I can almost picture how it all went down (it's a little long, but stick with it. trust me.):


(My apologies for the poor editing and quality. It was the only clip I could dig up. Tara, could you get on that?)

Beaver Shots

It's amazing how pervasive beavers are... seems you're running into one any which way you turn. Which is why it was so ironic when- in the midst of a discussion about what kinds and types of beavers he prefers- Chris and I ran right into some at Jamestown Settlement. Now, I ask you, why is it the female gender which is always accused of having only one criteria on which they judge males? As you can plainly see by this picture, it is just as important to men. Witness my poor perplexed husband as he tries to decide between the big beaver.... or the little beaver.

PS (No, the t-shirt was not a planned prop.)

6 Degrees

I am a firm believer in the whole six degrees of separation theory. I'm pretty convinced that in just four degrees I am intimately connected with the British royal family. Here's an interesting six degrees for ya:
Andrew Lloyd Webber and..................Eric Cartman. Yes, really. Here's how to do it. Andrew Lloyd Webber composed the The Phantom of the Opera. Howard McGillin is currently playing the role of the Phantom on Broadway. Howard also supplied the singing voice of Gregory in South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (one of my husband's top three movies of all time). Eric Cartman is, of course, a major South Park antagonist. Hence, stay away from the cheezy poofs, Lord Webber.
Here's another funny one... several months ago Quinn was in the midst of her Famous Friends & Family contest, although she was more or less playing by herself (might as well be WITH herself) because I couldn't find anyone for my team. I work in a bookstore. Saw something somewhere about a movie coming out this year called A Dog Year. Wondered if it was based on the book (which we carry) by Jon Katz. Went to IMDB. Found out yes, it is based on the book. Took a quick look at the cast (headed by Jeff Bridges) and saw one Josh Liveright. So, since this was the same name of someone I went to middle school with, I threw it out there as a possible player for my team.
Lo and behold, the Josh Liveright from my 70's found the name of the Josh Liveright from the double zeros on our blog (Josh, do you google yourself? It's okay, lots of people do.) and responded that indeed, it is the same, one and only Josh Liveright.
If you read our comments (see I Feel Pretty), you're probably thinking- okay, so that's like old news. However, I was so astonished by this comment coming as it did out of a time chasm of, like, 20 years or more, that I am only just now able to acknowledge and respond. (plus, remember, my puter was broken!)
Josh, if you're still out there, more comments please with updates on where you are- how you are- whatcha doing- have you read Max's books- etc., etc.
And I will now consider myself to be connected by a mere three steps to Jeff Bridges. sigh.

HOLD everything...

STOP the presses.... turn OFF the TV and HOLD the phone... Katherine, tell Bobby Brown he just got served and GO home because there is no way, no WAY, NO WAY he can hold a candle to this juicy news.. Bobby Trendy is alive and kicking- come on, you remember, BOBBY TRENDY, from the Anna Nicole Show which YES YOU DID watch at least one episode of. Admit it already. Okay, so Bobby (Anna's interior decorator, self-proclaimed movie star, drag queen and inventor of such clever quips like 'opinions are like butts (slap!), everybody's got one!'... has been really busy the past eight months apparently, unbeknownst to myself. Seems Bobby and Daniel DiCriscio (Anna's hair stylist) have been in a huge cat fight that ended up on some TV Judge show. Unfortunately, I did not see the show but my boss, Allen, who shares my proclivity for shows like Anna and Dog: the Bounty Hunter, was slammed against the wall in astonishment when this pair walked through the doors and into the courtroom of Judge Whoever. So now Allen is curious- 'Bobby Trendy? THE Bobby Trendy? He's still out there?!!' Runs to his laptop, heads to youtube, types in the aforementioned bobblehead's name and hits the mother lode!! There is Daniel threatening to 'kick Bobby's a**'... Bobby snaps back with one vitriolic comment after another... Bobby calls Daniel a crazy raccoon... Daniel calls Bobby an angry beaver (well, actually, I made that one up)...the one thing they can agree on is that the other absolutely, positively does NOT deserve a role in the upcoming Anna Nicole biopic. In fact, according to each of them, Anna didn't even LIKE the other male beyach much less thought of them as a FRIEND. You can waste hours of valuable American productivity hours amidst this neo-celebrity trash-talk fest. But where is Howard? And what is his two cents on the subject?