Go Big.... or Go Home

[Attn: QB readers. We've replaced your usual blogging with something new. Since apparently it's impossible for us to be in the same room at the same time ala Batman & Bruce Wayne (or Diana Prince/Wonder Woman), we are attempting to co-blog from separate locales. Jamie has taken the lead and I will be chiming in with my smart ass comments. Sort of like she's the sweet ice cream in the sundae and I'm the creamy whipped topping. Or the nuts, depending on who you ask. Let's see what happens...]

So Wednesday night was the second annual Wine & Cleave Party. Now for those of you not in the know, this is an awesome pay-to-play party thrown by four hostesses with the mostests, Avery-Claiborne-Jennifer-Robin. [and their 8 very impressive breasts.] There's great food, lots of wine served by the one and only Shane of Blue Point fame [he of the light-hearted wit and heavy-handed pour] & some pretty kinky decorations. (Read to the end.) Cool women pay to attend with all proceeds going towards Breast Cancer research- now do you get it? Cleave- as in cleavage as in tatas, boobies, the twins, melons, etc. (Many of Jamie's close friends will be SHOCKED she is using those terms as she is an avowed hater of all names used to describe these features of the female anatomy [yet she has no problem flaunting her beaver all over the internet]. Have you ever heard anyone say 'I titty fed all my children?' [only at NASCAR races. Zing!] NO. Because they are BREASTS [And they are spectacular. All of them.]. But in the spirit of Wine & Cleave, she is giving herself a one-time personal exception to that rule.)

So the Queen Beaches put it all out there.

and......

Believe it or not, Farrah/Jamie even had papparrazzi due to the mistaken notion she was a Disney princess (Ariel). Yeah, right, R-rated Disney maybe. [Coming soon to a theater near you: The Little Mermaid III: Under the Sea, Under the Influence and Onto the Pole.] And Katherine/Sabrina's 'I like it Dirty' martini bikini garnered some rather randy suggestions. We have to say there were some fabulous examples of decolletege on display (yo, Tami!) and once again, we are proud to be part of the ranks who call themselves Outer Banks Women. Now male queen beaches readers are probably saying, yeah, but if it was all women and no men why weren't they just wearing jeans and tee's? Oh, much as the QB's hate to burst your bubble, boys [bullshit. we LOVE to burst your bubbles], women do NOT dress for men. Especially once attached. No, we dress for other women. It's true! [Really it's all panties and pillowfights, but you don't get to see those pictures.]

[Evidently Jamie's superpowers include levitation. And I'm now 6'2"]

Now, regarding the naked Ken barbie dolls with black glitter g-strings [don't forget the wire rimmed glasses, a very classy touch. Very college professor by day, chippendales dancer by night.] who were doing unmentionable things to each other all over Claiborne's house... kudos to Renee Landry for these inventive yet disturbing accessories. [Either way, bravo! I love it when a decoration is both aesthetically pleasing AND informative.]

We did learn an important party tip: just because there are baskets of squirt guns lying around does not mean all party guests are into playing Charlie's Angels. I do however want to know where the hostesses bought them because their range was amazing. Don't you just love the way they came in SO handy when we- amazingly enough- found predators lurking in Claiborne's pantry?Always ready, my friends. The QB's are all ways ready.

[KQ would like to offer a reward to anyone who can find her ass. It seems to have disappeared...like her boobs.] Katherine- take some of mine, please! JL

In true Queen Beach fashion, we were fashionably late, overstayed our welcome, drank more than the minimum, probably said a few things too many but luckily for us we can't remember. [Side effect of the chardonitits.] One day we'll be like Paris & Nikki and get paid to attend these things. So, where's the next party? We need to order our tiaras. And remember, beaches, what happens at Wine & Cleave doesn't always stay at Wine & Cleave.

Good night Charlie,

Farrah & Sabrina.