I’ve been looking for a nice pair of high leather boots for several years but after our trip to NYC I’m desperate. Every chic strutting urbanite chick was sporting awesome low heeled almost knee-high boots with their jeans, leggings, maybe even stirrup pants tucked in. I saw burnt sienna flat heeled boots; terrific mahogany with an ankle buckle. Sleek ebony with a nickle top. I wanted that look and wanted it bad. Remembering a recent magazine article, I wandered into Aerosoles to try and locate boots the article’s author had raved about. I was sure my search would end here because I share a terrible disability with the author. I am Soleus challenged. You know that muscle in the back of your lower leg, just below your knee and before your ankle? Most people call it the calf muscle, but I couldn’t make Calf Challenged sound like anything but a term best applied to a losing rodeo contestant. I can actually pinpoint the cause of my disability- lots and lots of horseback riding in my younger years. You use those lower legs A LOT… like ALL the time- to stay on the horse, post, steer the horse, move the horse, if you’re doing anything in a saddle (a HORSE saddle, get your minds out of the gutter) odds are you’re using your Soleus muscle to do it. As a result I have very well developed Soleus muscles. So well developed, in fact, that my calves do not FIT into your normal, great looking, moderately priced leather boot. No, I have to either settle for something made out of a man-made stretchy material which rarely lasts one season (but are cheap so I can buy three pairs) or opt for the alternative which is buying a ridiculously expensive pair of extended calf boots from Zappos which to date I have not. Alas, while I did try on some boots at the Aerosoles store on Lex (even a pair suggested by the very helpful saleslady for people in my plight) there was just no way I was tucking anything into them other than my own well-developed leg and sometimes even it didn’t want to jam itself inside the zipped seam. One pair was so tight I probably would have gotten knee chub rub if worn with a skirt! So I will not be gliding around the OBX anytime soon looking like I just stepped out of the Subway onto Fifth Avenue. I will continue to suffer through this deprived condition with the knowledge that somewhere out there is a pair of boots for a girl who loved horses. Quinn did cheer me up a bit though by telling me that many soccer players are also Soleus challenged. Which means I have something in common with David Beckham which MEANS I am only one degree away from Posh Spice. How many people can say that? I feel much better. (Incidentally, the saleslady showed me a little trick she learned from her mother to help get a boot zipped up when it really doesn’t want to. This is dependent on a relatively supple and pliable boot material. She pulled the zipper up as far as she comfortably could. Then, she pulled the top of the boot down so that it wrinkled up in the ankle area and continued to pull the zipper. She did this two or three times until she had the zipper firmly at the top then grabbed the top of the boot and pulled it up over my firm, full calf but there was still no way a pair of Calvin’s was gonna get between me and those boots. The search goes on… )
3 comments:
I have massive thighs and I get in a foul mood everytime I try on a new pair of pants. When I finally find some that fit, I feel better. And if I have a good tan and a new pair of Calvins on, I feel awesome and stare at myself in the mirror until my wife yells at me and says something rude about having married a maricon from Argentina.
ivan - big ups for chiming in, although kq says we need a picture of your "massive.....thighs." i guess she could check them out in your upcoming MOVIE - Play On - written and directed by fellow rugger al dekin. now we just need some other ruggers to come out of the closet and start posting. (sully, gil...i know you're reading, at least come out of the closet..)
kt
Oh...those boots. I too have always wanted a pair. Ever since I saw Daphne in Scooby Doo with those gleaming white towers of chic. But alas, I too am calf challenged. Although I always attributed it to ballet lessons. But, truth be told, as Jamie's sister, we have a large calf gene in our family. In the vein of every patriotic American, I cannot be held accountable for my large calfs. It has nothing to do with the box of Easter candy I had last night. No sir, it is hereditary. Of course, I think there is a larger lesson here. DO NOT THROW ANYTHING AWAY IN YOUR CLOSET. It will come back in. Not that I'll fit into it then. Again, not my fault, I didn't invent butter, ice cream, and cheese curls! But maybe I'll make enough at the consignment shop to pay for my daughter's ballet lessons. Er, maybe not.
Post a Comment